simoriah: (Default)
Well, I know that it has been a while since I have posted. About last year, I think. So many things have changed about me that I have no idea who I am anymore.
I guess that it is really hard for people to be able to stop identifying with a certain characteristic after they lose it. Well, for example, men go through a mid-life crisis because they are no longer what they considered 'young'. I am going through something very similar.
First off, I am no longer a 'college student'. I cannot write checks for .45 cents, and subsist off Ramen and cold pizza. It is no longer socially acceptable to Febreze my clothing and call it 'clean'. I have to become an adult now. A bunch of friends of mine are also going through the same thing. It is called, 'life' and I feel that it is passing me by about 1 million miles an hour.
Another problem that I have is that I am no longer single. For those of you who don't know, being single has been a part of me since I graduated high school. I was free to do what I wanted to do, and I had nobody to answer to except maybe my parents.
Now, I have the most wonderful man in the world. He is sweet to me, he wants to spend his time with me, he treats me like a queen. My V-day present was the most awesome thing. Now, he wants to move to Florida. Now I do not mean right away. He is planning this sometime later next year. He originally meant to move to California, but then he met me. Now, he wants to move to a middle ground. He wants me to come with him. And I am scared. For one thing, I am turning 24 next week and I have done nothing good with my life, at least I feel. Also, I feel very awkward about living with a man. Yes, I have lived with my dad, but that is different. That means the very end of my singlehood, forever. Forever is a very long time. I am scared.
But I also have to admit that I have been very childish about the whole thing. Every time he mentioned Florida, I would throw a temper tantrum. No, I want to stay here in New Jersey. North Jersey to be exact. It is my home. I love it. Nothing is here for me except my family, and even they are moving away. BUt I want to stay here like an idiot. I mean, I feel as if I have to choose between the man I love and the life I have always known. Then again, maybe it is life saying that it is time that I move on, and grow up to be that life-changer I always wanted to be.

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simoriah

June 2013

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