Well, he did sit down and look at apartments with me Monday, and he took the initiative to do it.
He DID buy cat food for the kitty. He at least tried (even tho he did not read the label and bought "adult" cat food and this kitten is MAYBE 8 weeks old.
He is showing attention to the kitty. Alot. he is prolly mad that the cat stays by me more (but I do sit on the bed so that's prolly why).
He did actually stay home for the past few days. Except for once when he went to the "Store" for maybe 2 hours.
I am trying to look on the bright side. He has maintained a car since June, the longest he's had a car since I been with him.
He has been looking for a new job, and expressing interest in getting a new place. Finally. I thought I was gonna be here forever.
I am trying to be positive. I do love him so.
Well, he did sit down and look at apartments with me Monday, and he took the initiative to do it.
I did finally got back to sleep after I called out of work. I had a hard time falling asleep since, kitty literally fell sleep on my neck and purred in my ear (like she know of my headache. amazing). which was cute. But, I finally got up again at 1 PM (drinking lots of water is not helping my headache like I thought it would) and my SO was home. It rained and work ended for him. He went to sleep til around 5PM. I went to sleep til around 3:30, when I discovered that jackass aka SO placed the temperature to around 80 - and I am wondering why I cant sleep and my head is pounding. I lowered the temp and opened a few windows.
Then I cooked some scalloped potatoes and baked brownies. Then I called my stepmom and she wanted to set up an appt for the makeup. She wants to get makeup for SD instead of the crap makeup she has. SD and MIL were invited but, MIL declined. I went to call SD and MIL about the date; now at this time, my headache was mostly gone away except for the migraine "aura". Well, apparently, MIL went on a road trip. She was mad at SD. For something. And SD cried and MIL got madder. And hearing this, my headache came back. I really hate MIL. I was doing good there for a while but, the way she uses this child for power, and she's got another one lined up; SO's cousin's son. she spoils him rotten and he loves it. Oh well. Not my issue. Although everyone else thinks it is. Anyway...
I cannot think of this. Or that my 2 week vacation, which I was hoping to use it for an actual vacation, will be used to move somewhere. And that I have to use my $$ and tax return to get a new place. For goodness sakes, I hope SO at least puts up half the $$ for this place. Cuz I'm broke.
I guess I have to look on the positive. I am living. Moving. Walking. And this will all be a big learning experience in why NOT to get married or at least be careful before you do.
He quit smoking. And now everything I do is wrong. :( And I can't stand it.
And while I know now to keep my comments limited to him, I still can't help but beg for him to get cigarrettes. This cold turkey shit is not for him.
We were online shopping for apartments yesterday. In one breath he tells me, "I don't want to live in the ghetto" and then in the next breathe begs to live in apartments smack in the middle of...the ghetto. And then tells me, "Well, you better FIND a way to keep my attention with all those college girls around."
As if he is that wonderful of a catch. Go ahead, go to a college girl. Let her take care of you not. I remember being in college and being far more immature to be in a relationship, let alone deal with someone who HATES his mom for the way she raised him (while I cannot blame his latent anger, I have told him many times to either find a way to let it go, or at least channel it in a healthy way. Like, Black Ops). And who still complains bitterly about how his ex tried to hold onto him by getting pregnant (no matter how much I tell him SD is a blessing in his life, he does not see it). Yep college girls, especially the ones with a head on their shoulders, they got time for that endless drama LOL!
I'm gonna try to go back to bed. Still got a migraine from SUNDAY, if that is at all possible.
( Relationship Drama )
Last night, when I went home, SO was being extra affectionate. I guess he knows that he is imperfect himself, and wants to make up for the fact. It was nice, SO tickling me. The STRONG chicken marcela (sp?) from his mom? Not so much. Also, found out that Geocities was closing last night. Removed all of my poetry from that site. Then, I was upset I could not find my "Love" poem. I bet it is on my computer that I cannot boot up right now. Oh well.
I found this comiv to be funny!!
On another note, SO and I were fighting, again, as it seems that we all do. I come home and spend the night catering to him since he did walk all day, and while he did say, "Thank you", he did criticize my cooking since I did not include enough spices. GRRRRR!!!! You tell me all the time to cook then you criticize my cooking!!!! So I got mad at him, we fought, and finally I told him that I wanted him to try my rice and beans one more time. He agreed. I prepared a bite sized amount for him, then poured on about a tablespoon of Adobo and mixed it in. The results were hilarious! His face was sucked in under the salt laden Adobo!
My motto always was: "Don't get mad,. get even."
Well, I'm just a girl, in the world, in a rasberry swirl.
Woke up this morning with my car on "E" and it don't mean enough. So, Had to stop and get a 1.25 of gas. Yes, $1.25 of gas. Not that you have not done that before!
The started to rock out to John Mellencamp and Kaylynn called to check on Ira's herbal supplier. She cannot find anyone who sells any herbal essence. Guess the economy affects us in ways we would never know. To think, I thought herbs were a recession-proof business.
SO got himself an interview. Does not seem to understand that you still job hunt after scoring an interview. I know he does not want to work for a "Regular" company, which is fine. And I don't blame him. But, desperate times calls for drastic measures. At least pick up your last paycheck for crissakes. So I can pay for my bills.
So, why is Whitey McJoker doing a jig? What causes people to do such things on spur of the moment's notice?
SO was watching the "Posiedan" adventure, 2006 version last night. It was a compromise between the horror movies with nakes chicks that Ira likes and the movies that I like. Well, it only increases my fear of traveling on a boat, in the middle of an ocean, that the boat can just fall into the sea and capsize. I cannot even look at the sea without thinking about that. There is no way I could ever ride in a submarine for the same reason. Well, I would work on these fears but honestly I don't think I will ever have the $$ to go on a cruise. And that is ok with me.
So, I been thinking about the whole Jon Gosselin thing. Tha man becomes famous for being a "Family" man, makes a lot of $$, then takes this $$ and spends it on a $1 million apartment in Manhatten, over 3 hours away from his kids. He spends his time partying up in style, overseas and spending $$ on lavish gifts for his bimbo of the week. To me, that explains a lot as to why Kate was such a "bitch". I mean, I would be if I had 9 kids to raise, one of which I was married to. I could sit and critisize her for putting her kids in front of the camera like that, and although I would bever do that myself, who am I to say? I mean, she is getting a ton of $$ from the network, that is $$ that could be placed in a college fund for the kids. I hope someone is watching out for them, and not just TLC.
SO has a job intervew on Thursday. Which means that there maybe a chance he can still go to Texas. But if he does it will be a shortened trip. GREAT! I hope that by dumb luck this job starts late Sept but I would never be that lucky. So, this means I have 8.8 days, still, to use by the end of the year. Well, I guess this works out, since we will need those 10 extra bonus days next year for moving and such.
Still trying to figure out why I still like watching the movie "Twister". I already understand the troubled souls aspect of this. Helen Hunt is a troubled soul,, and she needed Bill more than she wanted him. I guess in the movie, it kinda changes and she sees she does not need him (hence the fact she signs the divorce papers). But then you see that Bill needs her in his life just as much if nothing more, then just to harness the unique gifts he has.
I am also starting to think that Helen Hunt's character is a bit Aspie. I understand that something happened in her youth so that she would be fearful of tornadoes. Most people move on, and mayve move to an area where tornadoes are not possible. She spends her whole life obsessing about them. Not only does she face her fear head on every day, but she actually punches the core of a few tornados. Also, Bill does mention in the movie that although she is very good at chasing otrnadoes she is in fact lousy at doing every day things like maintaining a house or doing anything normal. She has to find a way to reconcile the two. Of course, one does not see this in the movie since the movie is all about Twisters, not people.
One of the ways I find it fun to get through my day at work is to try to picture the people I am talking to on the other side of the phone. Some people are nice, some people are plain evil. Most people are pissed off when I talk to them until I calm them down at reassure them that I will assist them. In this case, Heavenly Hale aka LaFawnda Jackson gave me such an attitude it was not funny. prolly did not help her causse that she lives in the Bronx, and most likely grew up there (nobody movres to the Bornx out of "Will"). I could just see her on the other end of the phone. Cigarette on one hand phone in the other. Housecoat with flowers on, rollers in her hair, with mile long fake nails. But she broke by us. Gotta love it.
It is now 1:17 AM. I am currently doing laundry at my parents house. Alone. And I will prolly be here another 1 1/2 or so. Since I am sick of playing games on Facebook, and am in dire need of a rant session, I came on here. The perfect show is on in the background: Storm Chasers.
So, it has been no secret that SO and I have been fighting for a while. Nothing too major, just petty stuff. But I am sure it has affected my overall mood. I do my best to keep work BS at work and home BS at home; but we are all human. Add to that the fact that my workload has (I started being the main contact for Canada and UK clients along with my responsibilities as bilingual agent, PR contact and assistant queue watcher) increased but NOT my paycheck. Still, in this economy I am will aware that I am blessed to have a paycheck at all.
I was coming home from work, unwinding, since I had a pisser of a day at work. Well, I came home to the icing on the cake. I came home and then realized I did not have my key to get in to the apartment. So, I called to ensure that my boyfriend would not leave work without me (Lazybum took my key since he left his over at a neighbor's home). This was the conversation:
"Yes, hello, I would like to speak with (SO)"
"I'm sorry, SO no longer works here."
"That is correct. Yesterday was SO' last day."
Mother Fucker!! So he lied to me about going to work today, and then he INSISTED I did not pick him from work. Since he does not have a cell phone, I do not know where he is. I want to know where this MFer is RIGHT NOW.
While visiting his neighbor's house for the house keys, I kept calling home frantically. I wanted to know what happened and now. I managed to calm myself down enough to tell him that everything was gonna be alright and this will be a good thing in the long run.
Well, at least now I know what the Runestone was talking about during my full moon ritual. This is great. Unless Bonehead gets a job in the next 2 weeks, say goodbye to my long awaited Texas vacation. You know I was on his ass last night to finish his resume and also apply for jobs. But then I let off; for Goddess sakes, he is an adult and needs to start acting like one.
Today, a but of sunshine came through the clouds. My friends stopped by with a fully cooked rotisserre chicken, a 5 lb bag of mixed veggies and a huge jar of my favorite salsa. They also brought over a couch that their MIL was getting rid of. I was happy to see her. She was also recently in a similar system. She was fired, and could not find a job for 11 months. She understands.
The rest of my day was just craptastic. SO was first arguing with me about doing something for myself; then, he asks me about when we are going fishing again (something NOT for me) and when I told him I wanted to visit a clothing store, he bitched moaned and complained the whole time. Grrrr! Also when we finally did go fishing, he would not let me leave him there to go pick up his daugher and her laundry. No, I had to sit there the whole time. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
Oh well, it is now 3:03 AM. And my last load of laundry will be done soon, I hope.
So, I woke up this morning, the first morning of my three day weekend, and my boyfriend made sure to have an extra helping of prick flakes before he walked out the door. How do I know?
( Assholla mia.......(Think Ace Ventura) )
So, I drop him off at work and head up to Newark to drop my rent payment off. Mad. So, what do I do? Yep, for the first time in a while, I bought cigarrettes. I don't even like cigarrettes. But I only know a few ways to cope with stress. Smoke. Eat - and really I am getting too noticeably heavy to eat much more. Sex - well that cooled down a lot after he quit smoking. So, it is either get really mad and punch something out, or sit down and smoke.
Then, I started to think about the round of fights we have been having lately. It is always the same. He is fighting with me about my driving. About my personality in general. Well, I am not one for fighting. Part of me is a hippy - all about peace, love and happiness. And while I know life is not like that, I have to at least maintain happiness through the insanity.
So, while I cannot change the way he is acting through this time period, I can change the way I react. I understand that he is prolly resentful of the fact that I can drive, and that I have a car, and that I have an apartment. I know that he feels very uncomfortable of the fact that I can throw him out on his ass at any time; he has told me this much. And I have reassured him that I love him too much to do this. Maybe he is testing me? He says that I test him, and that I get mad at him like I do my parents. Well, either way, I can ignore him. Or, at least I can change the way I react to him. Until we at least we get through this little rough patch.
OK, so obviously last night is pissing me off more than I care to think about; therefore, the one way that I know how to get over this scenario is to write about stuff like this. My boyfriend is an inconsiderate pisshead. He was doing very well living with me up until this point, and now I want to kill him.
Normally, I have a coworker here that I have to bounce off ideas; naturally, she is out so that I will need to fend for myself. Maybe I was overreacting; but I seriously doubt it since I was really upset over the HUUUGE lack of inconsideration. Then, he acts like I am the bad guy.
This is the part of the day where I start to imagine what life would be like if we just broke up? Right now. I kicked his ass out of the apartment right now. Naturally, as temopting as it may seem, I refuse to do this, since I know it is more of a reaction to all of the shitty treatmnet I have received over the years from vqariuos different a-holes. For example, I imagine Ira going to live with his drug-dealer friebnd. Then getting the 16 yo girlfriend pregnant, and then going to jail for statutory rape. Then, he is stuck for the rest of his life registering to a sex offender list. Now, why wouild I think this would happen? Yes he tends to hang around weird people for the sake of drugs. But do I think he huimself is sleeping with them? as far as I can tell, if he is he is relly good at hiding it, and he is not good at hiding nothing. But my ex, well, my one-time lover that I met through a coworker, was so ridiculously trashy. I am so glad he ended up cutting me off at the pass. 29 years old. 8 yo kid in tow. Spent his life moving from home to home living off people he barely knew. He met this coworker of mine when she lived with her sister in NY. Her daughter (thankfully not the baby-momma) was dating him and when they broke up, he was homeless and went to live with my woworker until he found a place to life. Did not even attemopt to find a job in 6 weeks. Turnd me down, for an 18 yo working at Wawa, and used her for free cigarrettes. ending up sleeping w/ her in her bed at her parents house, when her parents found out he got thrown out...All the while never trying to improve mysef. I fell HARD for his butt too.