simoriah: (Default)
I got you to read this journal entry!
Well, to tell the truth, I realized that when it comes to love, I have got to mature a little.
Last night, my ex/boyfriend (since we are still trying to work things out) and I were talking. I know now I should never talk in front of "Diane" , since I have to get her to realize that all men are not like "Jack". Anyhoo...

I realized that I need to improve upon my maturity level when it comes to love. From the four months that I was with Angel, I realized that I am one of those "Now or Never", "All or Nothing" when it comes to boyfriends. I know that I am asking a lot when it comes to certain aspects of the relationship. Yes, I want a boyfriend to have a job, a car and a place to stay. That is easy to get. But, when I ask for things like kindness and concern for others, that is a little more tricky. Now, the only thing that I am picky about is that he has to have some college. Even a semester or two.
Also, I have to do myself a favor and not involve my friends in so much of my relationship. More importantly, I have to not take their opinion as gold. I used to have no confidence in relationships. Oh, I can date, and have had somewhere up in the 100's as of dating. But, to tell the truth, I have not been in a honest-to goodness love relationship since back in high school. And it shows.

I always believed that it was not worth wasting feelings of love on many different men. In other words, I would find them, date them, and then leave them. I have never been in a relationship for longer than 3 months. This has been the longest. Scary, and I just turned 24.
It was more important to have a job than have a boyfriend. I was more committed to that. I once held a job for three years. Well, big deal. Some people stay there for 35, even 50 years.

Now, I got to focus on me. I figure it this way, I love Angel with all my heart, but that is no guarantee that he will turn around and stick his dick in every female pussy for 50 miles around. Ok, I know he is not like that at all. But, like I said, all or nothing. He is either in love with me or he is an asshole. I don;t want to be friends with him. I don't even like him as a person. I mean, he is a GUY!

Well, that is the old me. I am slowly changing, and am ready to accept the fact that ex-boyfriends can still be friends. Hey, I am still friends with Gabriel. But only because I broke up with him. Interesting, I am no longer friends with anyone who broke up with me. I mean, they can't all be assholes.

God and Goddess, I am so immature when it comes to love. Will it really matter 30 years from now, when Angel and I are happily married, that we down-graded our relationship for a few months to see if we will last? Quite frankly, I want to see what he is like an the outside world. Not in the safeness of his girlfriend's apartment. Also, I promised myself that I will not give him any more sex until he is back to being committed to me. I know I will not be dating any more men other than Angel.

That is another thing. When I really love someone, I become this boring drone that only thinks and talks about the person I love, as if the whole rest of the world needs to know about him. When I was single, I used to check out funny comics sites, and see which clubs I can go to. Also, I used to do things like....wait a second. When I was single, I used to obsess about work. I did work 65 hours a week. And when I did not work, I went to college for 18 credits, and worked for at least 25 hours a week. And I did great in school. I think I see a pattern.

Yeah, I need to be busy in order to be happy. Not that Run-Of-The-Mill busy where people work 40 hours a week and call it busy. No, try working 70 hours a week and being on a district board. Or, 30 hours a week work, 18 credits at college, and obsessing with CKI. Yeah, I see a pattern. I got life OCD. I am not happy unless I am taking on six tasks at once, and the funny part is, I can take on all those six tasks and do good. But if I have three, only two will come out right. Makes no sense.

Well, I have always said that when I have the time, I will write down more goals and actually do them. Now, I have the time and the money. I can;t complain. So, I will do it. But what the hell do I want in life? I have always waited until I found a special someone to coordinate my goals with. (Pathetic with a capital P.) I mean, I wanted to become a teacher because I wanted to be home for the kids and to cook and to clean. Not because I really wanted to become a teacher. Now, I can at least utilize my spanish skills that I learned.

Hmmmmm. You know, when I went over to "Jack and Diane's" place last night, I saw a note on the wall that listed all of "Jack's" goals. It was on there several months, and he never accomplished a single thing. So, I am going to take this time and adopt a few personal habits into my schedule. You know, they say that if you do something for 30 days straight, then it will become a habit? I need a few healthy habits. My God and Goddess, I am 24 already. Hey nobody said that it would come easy.

Wow. I am writing down all of my goals, and I realized that my boyfriend did another great thing for me. He showed me all of the dreams and the possibilities. I know that it is annoying to make all of these stops along the way to the goals, but if we do not stop and smell the roses, we miss out on a few possibilities, or even one of our destinies. Like yesterday. In the middle of a Nor'easter, I take him down to Atlantic City, and he wants to stop at the mall. A block away from the casino where we were supposed to go. But, I decided that I would be patient. Besides, I got in touch with my spiritual side. I saw the magnificent waves, and I fell in love with nature's furious side. Granted, Mother Nature's fury is not so pretty when a tree ends up in your living room.
Needless to say, that is why I believe we were meant to be, because he teaches me and I teach him (I hope he sees it that way). Well, I got some more work to do with my goals. I mean, it is one thing to dream, but it is another thing to work to make it come true!
simoriah: (Default)
Music: Also, "All Around the World" AKA La La La La La
Today, I decided to take the bus to and from work. It could have been the worst day, but I believe it is my best day.
It all started when $3 decided to make a big deal of my drawer. Oh, he could not wait for 5 minutes while I got my drawer out of the system. He had to be first. Therefore, I missed the 7:55 bus.
Then, I walked all the way to the Echelon Mall (1 mile away) in the pouring rain. I was tired, cold, and miserable. Then I took the 8:55, and then I realized that the bus rode by on the street that I worked on. I took a nap on the bus, and the bus driver woke me up when I got to Camden. There, this old Alteimer's biddy (5 beers short of a 6 pack) gets on the bus and tries to show ID to the bus driver. Well, she was holding it 3 feet away from an old bus driver. I tried to pull it closer to the blind driver, but the woman was frantic. "Git yo' hands off ma bus payass, you's as whate as a snoball!" OKAY!
Then, I waited in Camden for about forever (1 hour 15), and the bus ran late, and I had a couple of backward people I had to stand next to. There was Pepe and Paco, and they were talking to some Mexican guy who just got out of prison. There was some old guy with three teeth who could not stop howling into the wind. This guy was trying to sell everything from Bus Passes to Colored Contacts. And there was this lady who works in the Glassboro laundrymat; a little too religious for me, but otherwise a nice lady. Then, I had to take the 412 bus home to Glassboro (There is only one bus to Clayton). While I was on the ride, I found out that the 408 had a flat tire. At the end of the day, I had to walk from the center of Glassboro to Rustis Village. It was a total of a 4 mile walk, and believe me when I say I am out of shape.
So, therefore, I had every right to be grumpy. But I decided not to be grumpy. I saw this as an opportunity to show myself that I can muster enough strenth to live through any situation. And I sat there and was happy passing all those little town emblems.
You know what that walk taught me? Well, first of all, commuters tend not to carry pocketbooks, and they wear sneakers. Second, I saw a child go the college Inn Motel. I realize that in order to complain, you must first be self-centered. Everyone has problems. They don't need to hear about yours.
Most importantly, It showed me that I can go home and finish off my goals. Well, I am tired as shit, so I better go run or something. I have to ask Jose about what to do during these burning boring times. Til next time....
simoriah: (Default)
Wow, I gues the old phrase is correct: Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!
Well, I wished for a man who would treat me right, and give me all the non-physical things that I could never give myself (companionship, caring, trust). Well, on Dec 8th, I met the most wonderful man (to date) I have ever met. And I met him in a club!
At first, my friends were very unsure about oour relationship, being how we met (That's another story for another time). But all of my friends are starting to get used to the new non-single Regina.
I will be willing to admit that I was suspicious at first. But you know what? He has proven himself to be honest through his family and friends. And I know that he wants to improve himself. Through that, he has helped me learn how to meditate. Well, there is so much more that I could tell you, but I am at work, with nothing to do. I almost miss 100's of calenders... NAHH!!!
simoriah: (Default)
First off, thanks for Starpanthress for letting me use her catchphrase, but it is pretty appropriate....
Just hearing this song reminds me of different ideas, like the idea that one night of passion can alter a life forever.
I now know so many guys at work that are married (or were) with children because of shotgun weddings. Just makes me wonder about the readiness of some people to have children. This of course brings me back to my own mother....
She was a real winner. She basically all but abandoned me when I was 11. After that, she was a basic absentee-father with estrogen. You know, I have to start giving my stepmother a lot more credit for what she has done for me. True, we have had our knock-down, plate-throwing fights where I would run away. But doesn't everyone?
I mean, I have to love my mother, because she is her. I don't know anymore if I like her. She gave me to my father at 11 and said,"I wash my hands of her, this fat ugly stupid retard." What kind of mother does that? Well, I had Miriam, and that is more than I needed. I wish I could thank her more often, but thanking her at this point would seem more like either feeling guilty for time lost or trying to get something..Neither of which I honestly feel.
It's times like these where I wish I could just cry about what my mother did to me, and I know I can't. Obviously, I am at work, and trying desperately to find my friend's email..But also, There's nothing left to cry about. I have a tought desicion to make, one which I have been putting off for a long time. Do I continue to live in the past, and be depressed for the rest of my life? Or do I move on? I'll be it, there is a lot to move on from, and I don't know if I could ever forgive my mother for all that. But, I have to let this piece of emotional baggage down for good.
Gosh, now all I have to do is follow through with the promise that I can let go of the past, and get my ass back to work. Well, I'll save the rest for another day. I have got a million calendars waiting for me.
Til next time....


Dec. 4th, 2000 05:10 am
simoriah: (Default)
Dear Friends,
Can I just tell you that it is no fun working 10 hours in a row, going home to get three hours of sleep, and then working another 16 hours. The only thing saving me at this point is Allen. Al, he is the coolest guy at my workplace. He is just so cool to talk to. And yet, he can range from truthfully intelligent to innuendo to just cool. Right now, as I look at him, I want to know what he looked like in the '80's. I mean, we all looked weird back then.
Also, I am contenplating what we were talking about in this Yahoo club I am in. Could you meet a person online for love? Well, I wonder about this. I have met one person online (for love), and while It did not work out, he was wonderful, and still is a friend. Still, it is the idea that I have to admit to people that I have a great boyfriend and I MET HIM ONLINE. I know this sounds snobby and sophmoric, but for me, meeting a guy online still shouts LOSER! with a capital L. Not that I would ever critizize anyone else for their choices, as many of my friends do (or did) have boyfriends that they have met online. Who knows, maybe I'll find my latin husband online, after hell freezes over. Well, I am starting to see triple. I think it is a sign for me to go home and get some rest. Maybe I'll sleep in my car. I just might try that. Go to Kinko's Mt. Laurel tomorrow and see if I actually made it home.


Dec. 1st, 2000 08:01 am
simoriah: (Default)
Right now, I am at work. I should be sleeping. But, I have to get ready for a meeting in about one hour. I have to talk to my boss about this much needed change of schedule. I mean, I am NOT a vampire. That would be my ex- Gary.
Anyhoo, I had a terrible time at the club the other night. Looking back, it seems funny. The most 'decent' guy at the club was high on X-tasy and insisted on showing me all of his tattoos. He also begged both my roomate and I for sex. I really gotta stop searching for men at clubs. But where are all the good Catholic latin men? Hey, stop laughing, you. I know you think good 'latin'
men is an oxymoron, but I will find one if it is the last thing I do on this earth. And it probably will be, knowing my luck with men.
Well, Jose is here. Gotta go yell at him for the schedule. I KNOW I requested off. Well, all in a day's work.
simoriah: (Default)
Just sitting here at work, trying to stay awake. I just had Kathy(my roomie) visit me for three hours. She is great to talk to because I can mention anything to her from tarantula pubes to the Simpsons, and she can understand my mind. Right now, I am making business/club cards. They are easier than trying to give someone your number. not that I have found anyone worth giving my card out to.
I cannot wait to get off this schedule. Maybe my brain will be able to function then. By the way, Michael was doing very funny things on Friday. I'll keep it clean and won't mention much else, except that Chris walked into my work with a megaphone shouting about a vaginal yeast infection. Well, you will be hearing fro me soon.
simoriah: (Default)
Well, it is now 7:15AM in Kinko's. I have nothing better to do than to do a journal entry? I am sure to find a better way to wreak havoc. Seriously, I cannot wait, as my friend Mike is coming down from California to visit. After I sleep in my car for a few hours, I will go home and confirm him a call. I wonder what he'll do tonight for fun.
Walk around with a stained maxi pad on his head?
Yell about my supposed 'vaginal yeast infection'?
Fart into a megaphone and then say, "My BALLS itch?"
Well, I guess you'll have to find out tommorrow...


simoriah: (Default)

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