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It is now Monday morning. I am sitting here waiting for my computer to start working again. I guess my computer is like me - slow to start Mondays and quick to get out of here Friday's (last couple of Fridays were flukes). Anyway....

Relationship Drama )
Last night, when I went home, SO was being extra affectionate. I guess he knows that he is imperfect himself, and wants to make up for the fact. It was nice, SO tickling me. The STRONG chicken marcela (sp?) from his mom? Not so much. Also, found out that Geocities was closing last night. Removed all of my poetry from that site. Then, I was upset I could not find my "Love" poem. I bet it is on my computer that I cannot boot up right now. Oh well.
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After waiting 6 weeks for the $$ to come, after price-shopping for everything under the sun, and going without "extras" like razors and burrito shells, and after numerous fights about $$.......SO's unemployment checks came in.  6 weeks worth.  $1200.  I know it is not really all that much, but I'M HAPPY!!  Now I can bring all of the bills up to date that I had to put on hold.  Also, SO can pay to get his drivers license reinstated.  And, of course, back Child support. 

The checks were printed on 9/9/09.  I would like to say this was a coinsidence, but I did participate in a mass "money cleansing" prayer one of my friends sent me.  The prayer is below.  call me crazy since normally I just trash these emails but hey!  Something happened.  

Then we are looking at the checks and they have this 8 question questionnaire.  The usual questions: Did you try to find work?  Did you actually work?  Did you receive money in exchange for work?  Did you sit on your ass and play video games some days? --> (points to SO).  So, SO tells me that this was the purpose of the interview on Tuesday.  I then asked him, "You know, I told you to go online to answer this questionnaire 5 weeks ago.  Did you?"  He just gave me a dumb stare.

All this time I thought his job was giving him hell, but now I know it was his lazy sorry behind.  It's ok things worked themselves out.  Now, I wonder how we are gonna cash these checks since SO's driver's license is expired?       

EDIT: That poor sun in the mood section is really getting a workout!


Prayer to Cleanse the Currency )
simoriah: (Default)

I thnk the biggest issue that I have been having is that I notice that I try to hasten nature. I guess, we all do that sometimes. Especially with such things like myspace Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube, we are all spoiled creatures now waiting for nature just to happen at the snap of a figure. And never does time work like that. I have to learn that the less SO is actually forced to do something, the more he will do it. I also think he got the shock of his life when I showed him the balances on my credit cards. Hell, I even did. Did not knolow I was that forgone. But there is still hope. I am actually not that far behind in my payments for credit cards. After the summer, and after the electric bill dies down and the cable bill and the Verizon bills get caught up. I think we will be ok, as long as SO gets his unemployment checks. At least get paid to sit home for goodness sakes. And change it out of my address; I cannot afford to lose my place over this.

OMG kill me now. GK is having a hard time breaking up with DL and now she wants me to find out if a particular ph# is my other workers, other coworker being Loudmouth McPoopcake. It is known that Loudmouth made DL question his status in his relationship. And if the two are %&$*ing, then DL's an idiot for a) sleeping with his coworker (don't s**t where you sleep and b) risking getting moved from this department. I mean, two people f**king cannot be in the same department. Well, they are not supposed to be. OMG I refused to help her. Took every bit of strength too. I love GK as a person but I need to work with DL and Loudmouth, at least for the time being. And I did this last summer by getting sucked into the drama I REFUSE to get sucked in again.

Maybe part of me does like drama. OK now I know I am crazy. It is prolly my fierce loyalty to my friends. See, before she was just a happy whore, screwing around whoever but NOW, she may be fucking around with GK's relationship. And that is just wrong. You wanna whore around, whore around with single men, or married men who intend on staying married (even that's wrong but I knoow it does happen). But for goodness sakes don't be a homewrecker, and then of all places a homewrecker for a guy you work with in your department. Oh well, maybe I am misreading the car conversation. Maybe DL wants to be single for a while, play the field. Don't blame him after 9 years but don't be committing to THAT train wreck of a whore.

The other Thing that I am understanding is that I have absolutely no respect for women who go after specifically men who are married with the intention of breaking up a family. Cheating does occur, and it is despicable, and it is wrong. But if the cheating is a one-night stand, it is still wrong. But at least the woman is not going into it thinking she will break up a family and everything will be ok.


This is what my brain feels like right now,. Not panicked. Rather it is a good feeling. Kinda like feeling like in the middle of running a marathon.

simoriah: (Default)

Ok, so I am reading this book called, "Eating Drinking Overthinking".  I am definitly the type to overthink things, so this book was good for me to control my binge eating.

SO, I had a good day, my first day of mindfullness in a long time.  Got the kitchen cleaned and all organized.  Also got some laundry done.  It is amazing the tihings you can think of once you actually focus on the task at hand.  Then, after laundry, we went to the bonfire. 

At the bonfire, I had a good time as always.  Great turnout.  But there was something gnawing at me all night.  I still have not told my parents of the fact that BF lost his job.  I am afriad to tell them.  Afraid.  Like, I am 32 yo and I rent my own place and still I worry about shit like this.  *shakes head*.  Because as you know, they are gonna, what?  Ground me? 

I know.  At first, I was upset at SO and the fact that he still has not found a job yet.  But I have to give him credit - he is trying.  And the economy sucks right now.  So, I thought about it more - since he did lose his job, what AM I really worried about?  $$.  This is always what it comes down to.  When will these bill collectors stop calling?  I know, the day after Never.  I am not that far behind onf my bils, and truthfully it is not Ira's Fault.  I did lose a total of $400 worth of OD fees (gotta switch banks already or at least pay more mindfulness to my checking account.  So, I thought about it some more.  But rather than mere worrying, I forced nyself to feel what the stress felt like on my body.  The pressure on my chest,  The lump on my throat.  And I said to myself, "These are just thoughts.  My thoughts do not own me I own them.  And I refuse to think about this until Friday when I get paid.  At least, this is what I keep tellnig myself.

I have to get over this thought in my head that I am a failure.  I am not a failure.  And I need to realize that, because otherwise I will continue to bing eat and I cannot afford to worry like this any more.  Oh well, tomrrow is another day.  I am off to watch "An American Carol". 
simoriah: (Default)

Well, I'm just a girl, in the world, in a rasberry swirl.

Woke up this morning with my car on "E" and it don't mean enough. So, Had to stop and get a 1.25 of gas. Yes, $1.25 of gas. Not that you have not done that before!

The started to rock out to John Mellencamp and Kaylynn called to check on Ira's herbal supplier. She cannot find anyone who sells any herbal essence. Guess the economy affects us in ways we would never know. To think, I thought herbs were a recession-proof business.

SO got himself an interview. Does not seem to understand that you still job hunt after scoring an interview. I know he does not want to work for a "Regular" company, which is fine. And I don't blame him. But, desperate times calls for drastic measures. At least pick up your last paycheck for crissakes. So I can pay for my bills.

So, why is Whitey McJoker doing a jig? What causes people to do such things on spur of the moment's notice?

SO was watching the "Posiedan" adventure, 2006 version last night. It was a compromise between the horror movies with nakes chicks that Ira likes and the movies that I like. Well, it only increases my fear of traveling on a boat, in the middle of an ocean, that the boat can just fall into the sea and capsize. I cannot even look at the sea without thinking about that. There is no way I could ever ride in a submarine for the same reason. Well, I would work on these fears but honestly I don't think I will ever have the $$ to go on a cruise. And that is ok with me.

So, I been thinking about the whole Jon Gosselin thing. Tha man becomes famous for being a "Family" man, makes a lot of $$, then takes this $$ and spends it on a $1 million apartment in Manhatten, over 3 hours away from his kids. He spends his time partying up in style, overseas and spending $$ on lavish gifts for his bimbo of the week. To me, that explains a lot as to why Kate was such a "bitch". I mean, I would be if I had 9 kids to raise, one of which I was married to. I could sit and critisize her for putting her kids in front of the camera like that, and although I would bever do that myself, who am I to say? I mean, she is getting a ton of $$ from the network, that is $$ that could be placed in a college fund for the kids. I hope someone is watching out for them, and not just TLC.

SO has a job intervew on Thursday. Which means that there maybe a chance he can still go to Texas. But if he does it will be a shortened trip. GREAT! I hope that by dumb luck this job starts late Sept but I would never be that lucky. So, this means I have 8.8 days, still, to use by the end of the year. Well, I guess this works out, since we will need those 10 extra bonus days next year for moving and such.

Still trying to figure out why I still like watching the movie "Twister". I already understand the troubled souls aspect of this. Helen Hunt is a troubled soul,, and she needed Bill more than she wanted him. I guess in the movie, it kinda changes and she sees she does not need him (hence the fact she signs the divorce papers). But then you see that Bill needs her in his life just as much if nothing more, then just to harness the unique gifts he has.

I am also starting to think that Helen Hunt's character is a bit Aspie. I understand that something happened in her youth so that she would be fearful of tornadoes. Most people move on, and mayve move to an area where tornadoes are not possible. She spends her whole life obsessing about them. Not only does she face her fear head on every day, but she actually punches the core of a few tornados. Also, Bill does mention in the movie that although she is very good at chasing otrnadoes she is in fact lousy at doing every day things like maintaining a house or doing anything normal. She has to find a way to reconcile the two. Of course, one does not see this in the movie since the movie is all about Twisters, not people.

One of the ways I find it fun to get through my day at work is to try to picture the people I am talking to on the other side of the phone. Some people are nice, some people are plain evil. Most people are pissed off when I talk to them until I calm them down at reassure them that I will assist them. In this case, Heavenly Hale aka LaFawnda Jackson gave me such an attitude it was not funny. prolly did not help her causse that she lives in the Bronx, and most likely grew up there (nobody movres to the Bornx out of "Will"). I could just see her on the other end of the phone. Cigarette on one hand phone in the other. Housecoat with flowers on, rollers in her hair, with mile long fake nails. But she broke by us. Gotta love it.

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It is now 1:17 AM. I am currently doing laundry at my parents house. Alone. And I will prolly be here another 1 1/2 or so. Since I am sick of playing games on Facebook, and am in dire need of a rant session, I came on here. The perfect show is on in the background: Storm Chasers.

So, it has been no secret that SO and I have been fighting for a while. Nothing too major, just petty stuff. But I am sure it has affected my overall mood. I do my best to keep work BS at work and home BS at home; but we are all human. Add to that the fact that my workload has (I started being the main contact for Canada and UK clients along with my responsibilities as bilingual agent, PR contact and assistant queue watcher) increased but NOT my paycheck. Still, in this economy I am will aware that I am blessed to have a paycheck at all.

Work suckiness )

I was coming home from work, unwinding, since I had a pisser of a day at work.  Well, I came home to the icing on the cake.  I came home and then realized I did not have my key to get in to the apartment.  So, I called to ensure that my boyfriend would not leave work without me (Lazybum took my key since he left his over at a neighbor's home).  This was the conversation:

"Yes, hello, I would like to speak with (SO)"
"I'm sorry, SO no longer works here."
"Excuse me."
"That is correct.  Yesterday was SO' last day."

Mother Fucker!!  So he lied to me about going to work today, and then he INSISTED I did not pick him from work.  Since he does not have a cell phone, I do not know where he is.  I want to know where this MFer is RIGHT NOW.

While visiting his neighbor's house for the house keys, I kept calling home frantically.  I wanted to know what happened and now.  I managed to calm myself down enough to tell him that everything was gonna be alright and this will be a good thing in the long run.

Well, at least now I know what the Runestone was talking about during my full moon ritual.  This is great.  Unless Bonehead gets a job in the next 2 weeks, say goodbye to my long awaited Texas vacation.  You know I was on his ass last night to finish his resume and also apply for jobs.  But then I let off; for Goddess sakes, he is an adult and needs to start acting like one.

Today, a but of sunshine came through the clouds.  My friends stopped by with a fully cooked rotisserre chicken, a 5 lb bag of mixed veggies and a huge jar of my favorite salsa.  They also brought over a couch that their MIL was getting rid of.  I was happy to see her.  She was also recently in a similar system.  She was fired, and could not find a job for 11 months.  She understands.

The rest of my day was just craptastic.  SO was first arguing with me about doing something for myself; then, he asks me about when we are going fishing again (something NOT for me) and when I told him I wanted to visit a clothing store, he bitched moaned and complained the whole time.  Grrrr!  Also when we finally did go fishing, he would not let me leave him there to go pick up his daugher and her laundry.  No, I had to sit there the whole time.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Oh well, it is now 3:03 AM.  And my last load of laundry will be done soon, I hope. 


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