Jan. 26th, 2005

simoriah: (Default)
Last night I had the most wonderful night in a long while. I have been talking to this guy named NG for about 1 week. He said that I was on his buddy list, and we spoke a while ago, but I do not remember him. And I would remember his beautiful face and handsome smile. And his chocolate brown eyes. But enough about his physical features. He wanted to hang out with me for the whole time, but I was afraid to hang out with him, due to my weight. Also, I had talked to this guy earlier in the week who claims to have met me in December.
There was one guy who met me, who drove down from manhatten for an hour and a half. Very weird meeting. All he kept talking about were my huge tits, in his words. Could he suck on them in the parking lot? (Yeah, call me Lolita and I will whip them right out.) Then he left me and never called again. It was OK, I was seeing EH at the time and still having my good friend MB in the picture. So, like he contacted me the first time I was on yahoo and told me that I was so ugly and fat in real life (which at first I was confused..the guy I was talking about was a med student and the guy who was talking to me was a personal trainer who did not look like the same guy). That I had put the pics up to mislead migente men and that really I was a lot heavier....but to leave the pics up there, a lot of desperate men out there. I told him to leave me alone if he thought I was ugly, then he told me he KNEW I was ugly. What is that old saying, if you dont have anything nice to say....well, needless to say in a long digression, I was not feeling quite up to dating par after that incident.
So my solution was to stop dating for a while and concentrate on myself. Besides I wanted to get through the holidays without man trouble. Never mind the fact that Dario thought I was hot so he called me from the Navel base to see how I was doing. So obviously my picture was not a lie. But needless to say, dating and dieting does not work for me in conjunction. Now I also got a wedding (my cousin is getting married) coming up so I gotta look good for it. (Hey 106.3 is playing "I belive in a thing called love"...;love that song,,,,and for right now, I do still believe in love....good feeling) I end up usually pigging out when I am out to eat and eating everything I should not. Also, I had some emotional issues I wanted to work out.
For example, when it came to my past lovers, I would call them. Not incessantly, but I would call them every other night. Why? I would guess deep inside I was afraid that they did not like me and I did not feel like facing the truth, that I was dumb enough to fall for another loser. I just could not believe that they would like me. Now, I have certain guidelines that I follow. I refuse to sleep with someone if I am not committed. And even tho I still care about the guys, I am more real about the signs that they give out. For example, NG is different. He and I spent about 4 and 1/2 hours on the phone on Monday night. Then he said that he was not gonna call me, he was gonna let me rest. Then he saw me online and decided to chat with me. When he found out I was not working early, we decided to hang out. He came down here, from Staten Island. Not a long ride, but still I did not have to prod him to come and see me. Also since he has a car, no need to consult the NJ transit schedule. Also, he had $$ on him, and he paid for dinner no questions. No trying to cheapen the cost of the food. He and I had a long conversation, and I felt that we were really compatible. He said that he felt the same way too. Then, we went back to my place, and watched the end of the episode of Law and Order. Both of us were enthralled. Weird. Then, I showed him my humble abode. We then kissed and cuddled under the stars (albeit, the fake ones hanging on my walls, but they had to do on a full moon winter night). That is it, just kissed, made out and cuddled. No sex. Not even in the morning. Weird, right. So, he woke me up this morning with a kiss. No trying to force himself on me. All he did was tell me how beautiful I was, my smile was. I of course told him all the wonderful physical atributes he had. We both wanted to just call out of work and spend the day in each others arms. Would have loved to. But of course my wallet calls. So, I went to work. One of the other tellers called out today anyway.
So, wanna know a little bit about him? NG is 25 years old, a bit young, but maturity wise much older than most of the men that I just recently dated. He is a computer programmer. He is currently lives in SI and is going to Kean u for his masters in Computer Geekiness (there is a more official term but I am so tired I cant remember). But he gets paid a lot more afterwards. Also, I told him all about my interests and he was looking forward to traveling with me to the Poconos this summer, for a weekend or two. He is also cool with meeting up with my friends, and he actually wanted to go see me at my Friendlys job. Which is cool. He and I are seeing each other and we agreed to focus on just the two of us for now. Plus we both have busy lives so more people would be too complicated. And besides, this time I am going to lose weight despite having a dating buddy. I am doing it for myself.
Also, I refuse to fall into the other dating trap I would set for myself. I would call, not incessantly but I would call maybe every other day, never allowing him to call me. Also, I would be so superconscious of the fact that we were not 'committed' and so I would be so nervous. Also, I would see other men and screw other men in the interim. Now, I refuse to do this. I realized that all of these patterns that I was doing were due to my lack of confidence. I really did not believe that these men were interested in me. This was deep down inside. Well, guess what? If you dont love yourself, then nobody is gonna do it for you. So, I refuse to fall in the same rut as last time. This morning, he left a text message for me, thanking for the wonderful time he had last night. Tonight, I called him before his computer class. We brushed on getting together this weekend, but my schedule is very busy, as well as his. Also, we talked about what he is studying in school. I promised to call me after his class is done. Whether or not he does remains to be seen. But it is not gonna be life or death. Quite honestly, I might be alseep by then. I have had two long nights before, and I am tired. Besides, I did not want to be seeing anyone anyway. Of course I want to hear from him. But again, I an not going to sob if he does not. PLus, there was no sex. And he said it himself, do not hand over your heart, I have to earn it. And I agree for the 1st time. Hey, I am a very good hearted person. I returned $17 I found in the shoprite parking lot (with a receipt) to the courtesy desk. Oh sure, I was thinking of ways to spend that $17. But it is not my $$ to spend. Also, I can clean. I can do all the basics of cooking, nothing fancy but hey, I can learn. I can do laundry. (As if by force, I start to bang my head to Red Hot Chili Peppers "Give it Away". Memories of childhood watching the MTV video awards for the 1st time on live cable tv, since the Poconos just got it, I think, dont remember.) I have rythem, and I have a great sense of humor. I am patient, which serves me well with kids. I am up for anything, and I am willing to experience new things, different cultures. Most important of all, I can have fun in any situation I am in. If that positive attitude is not important, esp while raising a family, then I dont know what is a good long term attribute. Anyway, whoever is ending up with me is one lucky fellow, and he better be deserving, dammit.
This means I gotta break the news to EH. This is OK. I mean, all the slathering in the world with cute nicknames cannot forgive the fact that I have not seen him in a month due to his inability to take the train to see me. That and our very busy schedules make us at least for now, uncompatible. So, I gotta break it off, whatever is left, since we really are not together anyway. We are just talking over the internet and that is much less than I want if I am seeing someone. Also, I guess I have to cut off my 'buddy' MB. Well, since I have not sleot with anyone in a month, it has been a month today, this should not be difficult. Since I have EH's addy I will mail him a letter if I don't talk to him before hand. I think it is only fair he should know what is going on. Besides, I still want to be friends.
So that is about it. I am dating and involved with a computer nerd. NG actually admits that he was looking at a car magazine (he loves cars and video games, what a typical guy) and the guy who was reading it with him goes "NICE!!!". To which he replied "Yeah, the rims are nice". The other guy was talking of course about the half naked hot chick sprawled out on the car. Moron. Not NG, the other guy. Well at least I wont have to worry about him (I dont think anyway) sexing every chick he meets. Well, I am about to fall sleep in this bed, so I am going to bed now. Good night all.
simoriah: (Default)


I
am 50%
LJ
ADDICT!
Can
You Beat Me?




Yeah so I do have a life after LJ.

So here is the other thing on my mind right now.
According to my clock, it is almost 11PM. He was supposed to call when he got out of class, around 10PM - 10:30PM. Of course I need to be sleeping soon, being that I have to wake up around 5:30 AM. But I am running through the reasons as to why he has not called. I mean he said definetly. Why would he say that if he did not mean it? I guess there must be somethings i say that I dont mean. And I absolutely refuse to call him, that would be admitting defeat. Besides, I want to see if he is truly interested in me. Ok, I have to admit this to myself: I am not at all ready to date again. But I don't know if I will ever be, being that I am sitting here debating whether or not this NG guy will call. Well at least I can say a few things about it before i go to bed:
A. At least he paid for the meal.
B. At least he wasted $6 for tolls plus gas getting here and it was not my dumb ass doing it.
C. No sexual contact was involved. Not to say that feelings were not started but at least I can state that claim.
Well,my eyes are shutting so I had better go to bed and think of ways to take better care of myself and focus on myself so I can heal myself. So I am not on livejournal debating my worth as a human because a guy did not call me back.

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