simoriah: (Default)
So I should preface this with I got home and I'm thoroughly exhausted from work (and major lack of sleep). I ordered dinner at Applebee's because I'm in this mode of, "Fuck It". I go and sit with Dave my neighbor for a couple hours outside at a fire and we shoot the s*** and that was fun. And his kids were out there and it was nice. It was very nice I forgot how much I do miss having kids in my life. Even if they create major obstacles. Major obstacles. Anyway, I come back here and I went to read some more "Jassian" fan fiction (Jyn and Cassian, Rogue One Star Wars) and.....Im emotionally dead again. I tried to look up pictures of Cassian or Diego Luna and he looks like a "dad" to me.

Which, hey he is a dad. And that's not a bad thing. But at the same time, I can't find any attraction to him whatsoever. I read the jassian fanfiction and I come to a spot where they're describing the sex and I could barely read it.

I stopped. And that makes me so miserable. I want to have feelings for people. I want to feel sexually attracted to things again. I don't want to feel sexually dead inside because there was a guy basically who didn't feel a damn thing for me. And not that he made fun of me, that was the worst part. He didn't make fun of me. I was just there. We were just friends. And that makes me so upset because he's a nice guy he has now he has very good things about him. But he just wasn't attracted to me and I can't find a way to make him into a bad guy because he's not. But if he's not a bad guy that means I guess I'm really ugly and not deserving of sex. Like who would want this pile of mush? And why would anybody want this pile of mush? This makes me very depressed. Or going back to the feeling dead inside again. And that makes me very depressed and it's a vicious cycle really. I feel ugly, I feel like I'm 40, I feel like there's nothing left. Like not that I want to kill myself that's certainly not the feeling. But..... maybe if I actually have a decent night's sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually feel something. But yeah as of right now it depresses me that I can't even feel the least bit sexual because the last boyfriend I had didn't have any sexual feelings whatsoever.

It almost makes me regret overthinking Rogue one. I would take the attraction for Cassian back any day just because it was nice to feel feelings for something.

As it turns out, he was a really big Fanboy for Star Wars as well. Explains his crush on Jabba the Hutt.

This better not be menopause bullshit. I mean I know I'm 40 but for god sakes.... I need emotion.

I guess I just need reassurance that this gets better. That eventually I am going to feel something for somebody and I'm not going to be just merely depressed this apartment. But I'm valued for somebody I'm valued to somebody. And I'm not this ugly creature, this Jabba the Hutt like masks that I keep making myself out to be.

Well, bout a year ago I said that I felt like I needed to explore my dark side. I guess it's now slapping me in the face. Who knows? I didn't want the summer to end this way. I wanted to be happy again. I don't know if that's possible now.
simoriah: (Default)
It was bothering me it was bothering me all morning. I was still thinking about jyn and Cassian. Like I couldn't stop fixating on them and I get it I'm an aspie that's what I do I ruminate I fixate on certain topics and this was just bothering me. And I am overtired because I did not sleep a full 8 hours last night I didn't even sleep a full 5 hours I don't think. Anyway I'm exhausted and I keep thinking about it and I can't think of why and I can't think of why but eventually I came to the conclusion that the reason I fall in love with this love story is because he sees her as an equal. Now granted, Cassian did not see her as an equal starting off that way but the more he worked with her the more he realized that she had the same experience that he did. That she has military experience and she became one of the best soldiers for Saw Guerrera (rebel extremists) and she was only sixteen. She had the spirit of a really war-torn Soldier. Just out the attitude. So is definitely a hard-earned equality but he did finally and fall in love with her as an equal. And really that's what we definitely needed these days. Like I have to explain to a guy why my vagina does not negate any experience I may have or you know try to stuff me back in the kitchen. That just kills me. Anyway I kind of feel like a resolution in my head. Because for a while I was really feeling guilty about not finding Diego Luna more attractive than I do because he himself in any other role just didn't do it for me. He was too feminine. I guess there has to be that sort of balance where there's got to be that equality going on I don't want him to feel feminized if he doesn't want to I mean if he wants to do that I won't argue from what I understand certain men like to feel feminine I guess that's why I certain men like to use cucumber and melon type shyt that women have but who knows.
simoriah: (Default)
 So....I finally came up with the name for my male character.  Dean.  Strong name.  Taken from the 50's.  And since the bulk of the story may end up taking place in the late 70's / early '80's....(I toyed with the idea of this strong being a fiction story about what my true parents may have been like), Dean seemed to fit.  I was also thinking of making Dean's mother one of the bigger characters in the story.  She can be played by Rosie Perez.  Would make sense.  She would be the parent whose life was "messed up" by Dean, because naturally, in the early '60's teenage mothers were hidden away from the world.  She has spent half of her life chasing after loser men (one who badly abused Dean) and the other half, high on drugs.  Dean's Puerto Rican grandparents took care of him until they died; then he went to live full time with his mom when he was a teenager.  He didn't get much exposure to the African American side of his family.  

I can write about this guy all day.  And, in a way I guess this is good.  I am, still, worried about this meeting tomorrow.  But then again, I also understand that I am worrying for nothing.  The truth is, I try to anticipate these layoffs and no matter how hard I try, I still will be surprised the day (if/when) they come.  And I know this.  I guess I just don't want to make a scene in public.  I think I will be too shocked tho.  I may be taking the book "Surviving a Layoff" on the cruise.  But I also don't want to read it TOO much, as to bring the layoff on.  My stepmom thinks I am crazy, that there is no reason for me to worry.  

All I know was, I was crazy neurotic today.  Then, I came home and baked a cake.  And now, I feel much better.  Pissed off that a small part of the middle part of the cake fell off.  But, what am I gonna do?  I tried.
simoriah: (Default)
So I've been working on part of the story in my head all day. This is part of the story is when a couple is first getting together and getting to know each other. At this point she knows im and understands him but she doesn't fully trust him due to prior experiences in her life. The couple is in the males bedroom at this point he's still living in his mother's house when is mothers working there is no danger of them getting caught together. For now I don't have names for the characters there for I'll just be calling them male and female I know how romantic.
Male and female were just getting done is having sex for the third time that day, and they're still fully naked and cuddling. Male's hands are wandering, exploring, all over her curvy body as she stares into his intense eyes. Then he asked her,
"Do you trust me?"
She doesn't know how to respond.  She's been hurt so many times before, so she's reluctant just put her trust in someone that she just met. On the surface, it seems that the male wants to show her just how much she means to him.  But truly, this was the first in a series of tests.  Tests to measure her devotion, how much can he really push her.
So he says to female, "Stand up.  Face the wall."
Female is reluctant but obediant.  She stands up and faces the cream walls with all of the pictures hung of beautiful women and Earth, Wind and Fire posters.  Male walks over to her and gets on his knees, right behind her.  She can feel his mouth as he starts to suck on her hip, right above her ample assets.  At first, it felt weird....the intense sucking on her body.  But at this moment, he could do anything to her and she would be happy, as he gave her the male attention, the desire she so craved.
Slowly, consciously, he makes a mark on the side of her body. Then he moved his mouth in order to make in order to form a hickey in the shape of a heart. Then he takes a polaroid of this.
"There." he says.  "This mark is proof that you belong to me now.  That I will take care of you, love and protect you for the rest of my life." Instead of being scared as most people would, female was strangly happy with this.  She was finally happy that someone wanted her, someone wanted to keep her as his own.  Although she is still wary of him, hearing those words make her feel far better. And the truth is, she has been looking for something to believe in.
Yeah when I finally put the phone in words the incident sounds a little psychotic. The idea for love story is that it is love story like no other.
simoriah: (Default)
 First of all, I would like to state "Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Boxing Day" to whoever celebrates these holidays.  My Christmas spirit, already at a low point, was completely sucked out by my boss today.  Don't you just LOOOOOVE that???  What is even worse is, alot of my difficulties with her stem from the fact that I am a very literal person, and that to her, I can't "take a joke".  

So I came into work all happy today from seeing "The Hobbit" in IMAX 3D HFR.  I was happy knowing HFR means I can now watch 3D movies without getting dizzy.  I was happy that I was getting the day off tomorrow (now today), and I was super excited to see a trailer for "Star Trek: Into Darkness" because it showed Noel Clarke in the movie :).  I was being SUCH a fan girl, all "It's Mickey!!!".....and while I was telling my story, my boss made sure to yell out, "Hellooooo!!  Can we get some work done so we can all go home early??"  Well, thanks for killing my Christmas spirit, Pigface.  (Pigface is the nickname for my boss).  My boss likes being rude and loud, especially after she has a fight with her family on her cell phone.  I've learned to ignore, ignore away.

Later on in the day, she comes over to ask all of us what time we would like to go home.  I myself don't want to go home early because I got a lot of work to do, but I also understand that we have to do everything as a group.  So, I merely said I would go along with the group.  She gets snippy and alludes to the fact that she can't wait to get a "new Team".  My one worker asked her about that, since she is one of those people who says, "Syke" after EVERYTHING, so you don't know what she is referring to.  She finally stated, "it means just that"

Coworker:"So are you going to a new company or are you saying we're getting laid off."
Pigface: "You read into it what you want.  You always do anyway."  (WTF???)
Coworker: "I mean, should we be updating our resume?"
Pigface: "I would...." No "Syke" this time.

So of course my stomach got into a ball of knots.  My coworkers were trying to tell me that she was just saying that to get everyone to behave better at work.  But I still cleaned off my desk.  Hey, if I am going to be laid off, I'd rather just walk out the building rather than clean up my old desk."

I never know what to make of this woman.  She likes talking in "jokes" all the time and we are just merely supposed to KNOW what the hell she is talking about, just supposed to "get" all of her references even if I lead a TOTALLY different lifestyle than her.

And now, instead of thinking about Christmas and joy and all that, all I can think of is, "What next?"  I really hate that she speaks in riddles.  I spoke to my stepmom, who promised that I could work for my dad until I got another job.  (Lord help me if I ever....but still).  I already have my resume updated, now I need to start sending it out.  I guess it would make no sense to send it out tonight but still....Asap sounds good.

Cross posted to Asperger's.  
simoriah: (Default)

My  friend recently reposted hers.  So I figured that I should do the same.
Edit: I was told I was reaching too low.  I want to keep the bar higher than before but I also don't want to seem like I'm looking for Mr Perfect.  Just....Mr Perfect for me.

My future husband/ love of my life.


In terms of looks:I don't think I have that many requirements.  Then again, who knows

 - Tall!!  At least 5'9".

Yeah, that is about right. I have dated some ugly mother fuckers so looks don't bother me much.  Oh, wait

 - Teeth.  He must have all of them (real or realistically fake)   Preferably white with no real bad breath. 

 - Cleanliness

- Weight.  I am not picky.  I just hope he is not skeletal in term of being thin, nor can he be Manuel Uribe fat.  He must be mobile.  I will be working on my weight after the new year.  

 - Recently, I have talked with anyone from "White" to "African American" to in between.  I have a preference for "in-between".  

 - Must have hard grasp of proper English language.  Bilingual (Spanish) speakers preferred.  I would LOVE to have a bilingual household; yes, my Spanish is rusty but I get lots of practice.  

 - Minimal to no use of weed and drug free.

Above all, as long as there is a "spark", I am good.

Most requirements that I do have are about his personality:

 - He must be compassionate.  And kind.  Not as ridiculous as I am but, at least understands why I am kind.

 - He must be patient.  At least with me, his family, animals and children.

 - He must be honest.  Not tactless, but honest.

 - He must be trustworthy!!!  I am not doing that again.  If he feels at all like a "gaslighter" or a guy who talks in circles, he is not for me.

 - He must respect me for who I am and yet encourage me to be my best.  I will return the favor. 

 - He must be self-reliant to an extent.  

 - Going along with respecting who I am, he must respect that I need my alone time as well as time to be "Introverted as I wanna be".  I will respect his need for football/ hobbies/ nothing box and whatever he likes to fill his "nothing" box with (the "nothing box" is a reference for time spent doing nothing but unwinding and nonstressful thinking). 

 - He must love animals.  Would be nice if he liked animals more than people.  Oh, and I have a cat.  She isn't going anywhere and neither are her claws.

 - He must be even tempered.  I will not date an ogre.  I will not live in fear again.

 - He must be intelligent.  Please note that I read profiles.  And while I don't expect everything to be grammatically correct, if I need "Urban Dictionary" to translate your profile.......I don't want to speak to you.  Would be nice if he was creative but hardly a necessity. 

 - He must like the outdoors.  And traveling.  This includes random road/day trips to places that remind me that NJ is this weird bubble of excess everything.  And camping - there is nothing better than for me to camp outside under the stars (on a mat; I AM 35).  Doesn't have to be tent camping, but I can't afford anything bigger than a "pop-up" at this time.  Bonus points if you know what a pop-up is.   For the record, I hate hotels.  I can't afford more than a 3 star and the ones I do find always extra "guests" (oh, the stories I have).  

 - He must be sociable to a degree but over his "party animal" ways.  We're talking "social drinking".  

 - Would be nice if he had a sense of humor, with appropriate limits.  But at the very least, he must be able to accept my ability to laugh at 98% of life's situations.  

 - He must love kids, because I WANT KIDS.  Yes, it is a crazy dream of mine, at 35.

Other features I will be looking for, but are not "required".  I guess he must be at least useful in one of these:

 - General maintenance repair "handiness". 

 - Car knowledgeable.  

 - Computer Skills.  

 We must have plenty of the same interests, including music.  But, differences in certain areas are a good thing, since I love learning and being exposed to different types of music and hobbies.

Religious preference: For practical purposes, I could not date a strongly focused Christian or Muslim simply because there is too much conflicting religious beliefs.  If he is atheist, he must respect my Paganism.  Any other religion, or lack thereof, is welcome. 


He must also respect that along with the introvertedness comes the over sensitivity to people's emotions.  I
figure this is a bonus for him, since most men like their alone time, like their time for hobbies, and dislike conflict almost as much as I do.



 - He must have a career that he is set in.

 - He must be a good work ethic

 - Financial Security a big must



 - He either must have one, or live in an area easily surrounded by PT. 



 - He must either have one, or at least many years experience living on his own knowing what a budget is and bills are. 

 - If he does live at home with his parents, there must be a good reason



 - He should be adventurous. 

 - Along with sex, must enjoy cuddling.  And being affectionate.  Because I do.

 - I have yet to meet a guy NOT into my ahem, bedroom manner but still....kind of a given.


I don't care if he has kids.  Somehow, I want kids in the mix; I would like my own, but I am also realistic at 35. But adoption is always an option.  
I do care if he has hard core BMD.  Get that shit settled.  And the divorced finalized.


This is all my brain has at the moment.  I am trying to go through my friends list to see if I missed anything.  Also, feel free to comment on anything I may have missed.

simoriah: (Default)
 I was about to fall asleep.  But after talking with GK today, seems that I am having painful breakup flashbacks to both my SOB breakup (and that night, having to fall asleep with no radio and no laptop, no sound and not having changed the locks I know what transpired that night and while I felt sorry for the hapless women involved, I was SO glad to know SOB was stuck in the middle of a snow field.....dumb ass.  *snicker*.  Oh, and of course the breakup with the POS herion addict that I loved when I was 24....

Anyway, GK finally kicked out her baby daddy/ boyfriend today.  Cops took him away and everything.  Apparently, he is a drunk and drinking all the time around the baby.  And getting high, again in front of the baby.  This is not a good situation.  I kinda was waiting for it to happen.  I think it is kinda cathartic, for her, that it happened on Yom Kippur (she was raised Jewish).  I asked if she wanted to stay over here just to get away from the house, but the baby was already sleep.  I am scared for her.  He threatened to kill her several times.  Granted, he was drunk, and he got drunk because she told him "not" to (because GK had a friend over with a 4 yo girl), but still.  He is normally not like this.  GK is going to get the locks changed as quickly as possible, but for tonight she has chairs in front of the doors.  Her bedroom doors do not have locks.  I would be super worried that he would come and take the baby - especially since baby daddy's mama blames GK for "provoking" him.  As if he was a robot incapable of making decisions.

On top of this, I was arguing with the EX about the damn sweet 16.  He states I can come.  But get this - I can't sit with him.  I need to sit with SD and her 16-yo friends.  He said this because I had mentioned that I didn't feel comfortable with any of his family members since, well, me and him are broken up.  (The only "family" he has that I am cool with are his family friends in Texas...and well....they are in TX).  Anyway, after listening tom him whine, he finally broke through and said that we were friends.  And that is it.  And at first I was upset by this....but mainly only upset because I realized this was his way of controlling the situation.  Truthfully, if he was to get a GF at this point, I would not be upset at all.  But still

Besides this and dealing with my family tonight at Yom Kippur....Yeah I need to go and hide from the world for a while.  And this weekend is booked.  

But I guess I got some good news.  My credit is improving.  I got approved for a Wal-mart credit card and a line of credit at my bank.  Not that I plan on using either of these any time soon.  But I need to know they are there.  Maybe NOW I can get rid of all payday loans.

Sorry but as a testament to how RANDOM my mind can be.....I mashed up

THIS:  with


And amazingly, playing them simultaneously works....weird.
simoriah: (Default)
I wanted to devote an entry to the weird dream I just had.  And since the weather is going to be crappy, and I am broke anyway, let's do this. The main characters in the dream were: a character played by Miley Cyrus, but with her new haircut.

She was in the dream as some badass Michelle Rodriguez type of character. She was seemingly helping another female escape from her boyfriend. When I started the dream, her and the girl were standing on a very busy street where it seems everyone was commuting to work. The girl, who looked just like a younger version of a cousin of mine, was obviously very nervous, as if she was worried about someone finding her. You can tell she was the victim of physical abuse as well as being locked up. She was scared crapless of being out in public, and really scared of what was about to transpire. I believe she had long, medium brown hair, and brown eyes with no bangs. She wore a black broomstick ankle length skirt and a gray hoodie. So, Miley Cyrus's character and her were walking up the street, and they seems to be talking, making preparations for this trip...all of a sudden, Miley sees something in the distance, like a familiar white older model car. The girl she was with starts to tremble, and Miley hands her a dark colored backpack. The trembling girl starts to walk with the crowd, as if to catch a bus....and fades off into the distance. Miley looks again at the white older model car (for some reason, this isn't a busy street in terms of cars). Sure enough, it's a tall white guy with short brown hair, baggy jeans and a white hoodie. He is smoking a cigarette and has a mean grimace on his face. (He looks like a guy I know from PA, who is my friend Saliva's boyfriend. He looks tough when you first meet him but is a totally cool guy). He seems to be looking for someone in the crowds, growing more and more pissed off when he cannot find this person. Miley goes off to the side, behind a hill. She also has a gray and black backpack on her. She seems to point what looks like a gun with a scope at him, but in the end, the man is not shot in terms of a gun shot. However, he does lie there lifeless after he was shot. The car stops, and Miley drives off in the car. Of course, nobody in the crowd questions this or calls the police; as a matter of fact, all this is taking place in front of the crowds eyes and nobody bats an eye, and if what they saw happened in a parallel universe. (This may seem strange, but lemme tell you; commute to NYC every day of your life and you develop the same blindness as well. Maybe not to a murder, but to a dope deal, or hookers, or children smoking on the street, yadda yadda.) Miley drives the car, and the driver, to what seems to be a deserted area of the outskirts of a city. One side is totally empty and the other side seems to be the outskirts of suburbia and industry. Two people come along, one male and one female, both seem to be dressed in an emo type of style - jeans, boots, dark colored hoodies and t-shirts. At this time, both Miley and the driver are in the back seat of the car. The two kids walk up to the car, looking for a joyride, and Miley invites them in. The car drives off, and they are driving into the country. Where there seems to be "nothing" but rolling hills of land. There are no houses, and trees in the distance (but it seems to be less forest and more hill country area). In the middle of joyriding, Miley's character throws her backpack out of the car. Soon after, she crawls out the back window and jumps out of the car. The car drives off into the distance, and Miley's character walks off. Weird that I would have this graphic of a dream, and remember it in such detail. So I had to write about it.
simoriah: (Default)

and they wonder why I hate my job......


So, yesterday Pigface intimated that it is a bad thing I am talking with my coworkers.  I am trying to socialize with my coworkers, which is what I thought she WANTED.  No.  She is afraid I get "offended".  I finally told her that the only thing that truly is when he calls me a racist.  and isn't joking about that. because there is no defence to that.  I'm not the type to say, "I can't be a racist; I have black friends.". sorry.  she said nothing back.  whatever.


so today I came in and Skanky was asking me distances from various cities and.freaking out at the distance.  so I finally asked what she go see.  "the Jason mraz/ Christina Perri" concert".  ok...not really my cup of Tea in terms of concerts but whatever.. so my asshole coworker, who of course never heard of any group outside of rap/ hip hop/ r& b asked what he sounded like.  I pulled up a YouTube video for him, he listened and stated the following:


Typical white people music.


So being that I am so used to him polarizing the races, i played it off by telling not to insult me, that my music is far more hardcore.  he's like, "I don't listen to that either.". I don't give a Fuck.  I just don't want people to think I listen to soft music.  I mean, I do, on nights.when I just need to chill out and get rid of a headache.  but not to go to a concert.


I really should be more offended by his racist fueled idiocy...but I'm just done.  ugh. 


Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

simoriah: (Default)
My new Theme song:

Halestorm Freak Like Me Lyrics
I'm on the train that's pullin' the sick and twisted 
Making the most of the ride before we get arrested 
We're all wasted and, we're not going home tonight 
Covered in black we lack the social graces 
Just like an animal we crawl out of our cages 
They can't tame us 
So if you're one of us, get on the bus 
If you're a freak like me, Wave your flag 
If you're a freak like me, Get off your ass 
It's our time now, To let it all hang out 
So shout if you're a freak like me, You were born to burn 
This ain't no disease, you don't need a cure 
It's our time now, to come out 
If you're a freak like me 
If you're a freak like me 
We're underground but we will not surrender 
We're gonna give em something to remember, Yeah 
So write your name in gasoline, and set that shit on fire 
[ Lyrics from: ] 
If you're a freak like me, Wave your flag 
If you're a freak like me, Get off your ass 
It's our time now, To let it all hang out 
So shout if you're a freak like me, Don't apologize 
They can't hold you down, You were born to rise 
It's our time now, to come out 
If you're a freak like me 
If you're a freak like me 
Are you a freak like me? 
Are you a freak like me? 
If you're a freak like me, Wave your flag 
If you're a freak like me, Get off your ass 
It's our time now, To let it all hang out 
So shout if you're a freak like me, Don't apologize 
They can't hold you down, You were born to rise 
It's our time now, to come out 
If you're a freak like me 
(If you're a freak, like me) 
If you're a freak like me 
(If you're a freak) 
If you're a freak like me 
(If you're a freak, like me) 
If you're a freak like me 
If you're a freak like me
simoriah: (Default)

ok.  mental note to self.  mi ex SOB is a.tool.  texts me: "did you put a restraining order on me?". uh, no for the record I didn't and GK didn't.  So who did?   .  who else was this fool stalking?  of course he won't tell me.  fucking jackass.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

simoriah: (Default)
Just got off the phone with SOB.  I told him that yes, I do still love him but his drama is exhausting.  He told me to stay away from his family and friends.  All of them.  And I am not allowed at SD's sweet sixteen.  Then he called me back, apologized for being an asshole but reiterated the same message.  He doesn't get it.  I am done.  I am officially done with answering phone calls from him, mainly because he calls when he is high (of course I don't know that for a fact but you should hear him).

Anyway, I hope this is over.  I will truly miss SD if it is but I can't take the bullshit anymore.  I can't take his bullshit.  And I don't want to expose any future boyfriends to it.  Truthfully, I am partially at fault.  In my mind, I keep thinking how important I am to SD.  And I am sure on some level she will always care for me but she is now 16.  She is also blindly attached to her mom in Camden and there's not a thing I can or would do to change that.  I know the feeling.  Deeply.

Anyway, figured I'd get that off my chest before it manifests into a deep depression.


Aug. 14th, 2012 05:13 am
simoriah: (Default)
Ah, Saturday,.  I his this post from the non-kinky people.  You'll know why in a minute.

Saturday morning and afternoon was uneventful.  I divided my time between Plenty of Fish, where there were a couple of people I was speaking too, and speaking to a guy I had met on Fetlife.  This was a guy who wanted playtime but my protector said, "No.  He is too advanced for you."  So I respected his decision, but I did clear it that we could hang out and not "play".  Meaning, no BDSM style fun. So, after talking with one guy who, as it turns out, had no car and no phone at all (home, cell or otherwise); therefore I could only go meet him at his place in Seaside, I decided I would meet him today.  I will call him 'Lex".  

So, I go to meet Lex and his "baby girl", Whitegurlwitass.  I drove up to her place in Hackettstown, NJ and before I went and hung out in their apartment, we went out to dinner for Thai food.  I got to know them and got comfortable enough before I entered into their home.  Then we sat down, smoked a bowl and then.......... had a threesome.  Really, I was hoping for this - it has been a while since I had some sexy time.  I did NOT expect WhitegurlwitAss to be there, but she was a welcome addition.  Really, I forgot how tasty "vag" is.  And I was super nervous that she would be jealous, but there was not an ounce of it.  Granted, I made sure she was well satisfied :)  then Lex and WhitegurlwitAss made sure I was satisfied, well satisfied.  I think I got my first tast of "subspace" - granted we were not doing anything "BDSM" related.  Lex was smacking her ass but not mine.  After everything was done, we went out to "Applebees" and watched a bunch of practically naked men roll around to win an MMA title.  Both people kept asking if I was ok, but I was QUITE happy.  Just really out of it.

I just got back to Lex and he wants me to come over there.  But he ALWAYS wants another person involved in sex.  (and not Whitegirl since she lives in Hackettstown and he lives in Princeton).  My main concern was, I want to get to get a feel for the person before I have sex with them.  And no, I assured him I have another guy I am play partners with (IceKirby) and that I am not interested in breaking up anything he has now.  I am awaiting a response.   


Aug. 9th, 2012 05:26 am
simoriah: (Default)
Starting to understand why I am not into the whole "Fetlife" thing anymore.  I go on the site when I have to - that's about it.  And in the group I moderate.  That is about it.  Starting to realize that it is ok NOT to be the uber-social butterfly that everyone else seems to be. Also, even though I love sex, I am certainly past the age where I feel like having sex with everyone around me.  (Some of the events they host include group masturbation, and while this is perfectly fine for anyone who wants to attend.....I'm not game.)  I am especially over the NJ TNG group (The Next Generation).  I mean, I am already on the cusp for that group anyway, being 35.  Just kind of hard trying to bond with 20 year olds whose maturity level barely eeks above high school.  And even some of the older people (mid-late 20's) I have met in the group are very nice, but come off as .....shall I say....Fake?  Overly happy?  Socially in everyone's face?  

I finally figured out that while rough sex is definitely for me, and I am willing to try different flogs, whips and restraints, this lifestyle is definitely not a 24-7 gig for me.  Especially since I don't exactly feel comfortable sharing hotel rooms with random strangers having sex within 3 feet of me.  I guess that makes me a prude?  

Anyway, I'll be perfectly happy if my next event is the Geeky Kink Event.  I've got too many other events to go to in the meantime, plus a surprise birthday and a wedding.  ESPECIALLY since they are featuring 2 "TARDIS" bondage devices!!  That's so geeky in a good way!!

Although, I'll be honest.  I can do without the Pokemon tournaments and the re-creation of certain Pokemon stuffs.  


Aug. 8th, 2012 03:14 pm
simoriah: (Default)

So I was in the middle of working on a Spanish client (this is a normal day for me) and I realized that while I was on Topamax, I had to use the so-called translator website much more often then.  Now, I write everything down and just use it as a Spellchecker.  happy my skills are returning.  then that asshole coworker laughed as I was speaking Spanish to practice.  I'm pretty sure it was a coindence as I was speaking quietly, and his only claim to know Spanish is that his wife is half puertorican/African american and her grandmom speaks Spanish in her house.  I know he knows the usual-greetings, curse words, and references to sex drugs and violence. so how much he can speak it in a business setting, I got no clue. 


either way, it bothered me i cared about his opinion.  for goodness sakes, I got a bilingual coworker who obviously respects my knowledge enough to use some of my vocabulary (I've known this man since I got here and wished he was in DEF longer.). why do I care about THIS assholes opinion?  eh, whatever.  I just feel so much better that I don't need to use that translation site like a Damn crutch.  especially since translation sites in general are crap.  This one I found is at least decent.


as I sit here and complain about the Spanish customer, my brain starts to write a new client in Spanish - only that client is purely enlgish speaking.  Whoops!!


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simoriah: (Default)

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