What a Long, Strange Trip It has Been

[simoriah]

Wow, how a life can change in four months. Four months ago, it was June. Well, duh! But four months ago, I was living in a cockroach infested motel room making $10.50 an hour to live with crack addicts and drug dealers for $150 a week. I was living with Khary, and I spent all of our time apologizing to him for something I did not do. Now, I live at home with my parents. My life is very non-exciting, but I can live with that any day over living on a plush carpet. I mean, literally, sheets and plush carpeting for a bed. And everything seemed to work out better for me and Khary. I wish him all the best, and pray that he is blessed. But it is still very hard. I mean, I can joke about the past now. But at work, for CCCC, I feel still like I wonder if they will ever find out that I sometimes feel like I wish I was homeless. Well, not really. I guess what I miss the most is the interesting people you meet. No, really. When you are homeless, it is no-holds barred. I mean, people will walk up to you and talk for hours about anything. I guess it is the only thing that saves you from reminding yourself that you have nowhere to lie your head down that night. I mean, the Delaware river took on a whole new meaning for me once I became homeless. It was hard. It still is hard. Thinking back to the fact that I (and Khary) walked from Somerdale to Philadelphia. I mean, it felt like 30 miles, even tho I knew it was not that long. It took us 6 hours. And it was very upsetting. When it was all over, it was raining so hard, and I was so cold. They would not let us sit in the hotel to get dry. The best part, tho, was sleeping under the stars. And breaking away from the usual boring jersey life of constant work. I mean, you slave away at your job, and for what? I have nothing to show for 10 months of mindless work at Kinko's. I realized that I wanted a better life. I do not want to live life as it is always a struggle, a survival game. I mean, if times were different, and life was a movie and people have unlimited money even when they are poor, then Khary and I would be soul mates. But reality stepped in, and neither I with my loving too much or him with his twisted version of reality were meant to be together. I still have feelings for him. But that does not mean going back to him. That means taking steps to change my co-dependent behavior. No successful relationship works with co-dependency tendencies. Look at Eric and Laura. I needed a man just to be there for me. Now, I have myself, and I will be content with that until I meet a man that compliements me, both ways. Besides, I have Kathy, Jen, Roxanne (well sorta) and Gabe. Speaking of which, this guy is supposed