simoriah: (Default)

Work Drama )
To be fair, she was not so much pissed that I confronted him as much as I did it on "the care floor".  Because I had time to pull him into a conference room at that appropriate moment.  Anyway...she asked me what happened, and I gave my side of the story.  I walked in, she was at a meeting, Big Head asked me about taking one for the "Team", and I said, "It's kinda hard to feel part of a team that does everything to remind you that you're not a part of it."  And then it started....

Then she has the nerve to tell me that 4 other people said I just "butted" into the conversation.  And apparently she believes it because I have butted into conversations before.  While I understood that I did so-called "butt in" (why the fuck is it butting in when I do it and "joining in the conversation" when nobody else does it?) a few conversations many months ago (been working on this Aspie trait hardcore), this was not one I wanted to be a part of.  Big Head specifically asked me about it.

So, of course, I was upset.  Then she asked "Why?".  Well, DUH!  You just called me a liar without saying the word.  And well, whatever came out of it was something far more professional but, similar in nature.

My boss then realized that she has never seen me so damn pissed before.  I was agitated and I repeated, "No, Big Head is a bully."  She then took a different approach (which was good because I was ready to jump over the table and tackle her).  She asked me WHY I felt that he was a bully.  WHY him?  And I said it was the intention behind his words.  He says things and does things very maliciously.  Tho I did give him credit.  Ever since that day, he has not said one word to me :)  So my message somehow must have gotten across. :)

Then she had the nerve to ask me why I don't avoid him more.  I asked her to clarify.  Well, I walk past him on the way to my desk.  Also, one day while he was standing at her desk (a right granted only to King Big Head), I walked right past him.  She asked me "Why Did I do that?"  and I didn't understand her question.  She said, "Because when I hate someone I avoid them.  I make three lefts to avoid walking right into them.  I want to be as far away a physically possible from this person."

What I wanted to say: "Because I am not in the 4th fucking grade avoiding a boy because "he has cooties".  And the fact is, I got better things to do than play fucking games."

What I did say: "Because I don't hate him.  Hating him would mean I feel passionately about him, and I feel nothing for him.  Nothing.  At.  All." 

As I said, I give him credit.  He has not said one word to me.  And come to think of it, barely anyone else on the team has either.  It is great :).  Actually, I appreciate that more than when Big Head comes and puts his hands on my back because he knows it makes me cringe.  Or when he asks me what I am eating for the 50th time.  He only asks the two fat people about that.  Oh, and Skanky McPoopcake.  Mainly because she complains about how many fat rolls she has (she is *maybe* 10 lbs overweight.  SHUT!UP!)

So, after speaking about it with my mom, I am thinking about having another meeting with my boss about it.  I would gladly put it in an email but I also don't want to give her more "ammunition" against me.  I want to basically set the record straight - I AM NOT the problem.  If you want me to feel like part of the team, stop with the "clique" bullshit.  I am different.  Doesn't mean that you have a right to mock me for it.  Unless I can strike back.  I think the main issue may be that people seem to think I am their "friend" there. And I cannot make it any clearer.  We are not friends.  If I was your friend, I'd actually get invited to Poker nights and "Guys Nite Out" like Skanky McPoopCake and such.  But I don't.  And I don't want to be.  Don't get it twisted.  But don't bullshit me and then call me your friend.  

I do want to have a second meeting with her, I just wanted to collect my thoughts first.
simoriah: (Default)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Well, ever since I was younger, people have always looked at me differently.  I have been the weirdo.  Strange.  Unusual.  DIFFERENT.  I have also been accused of being aloof, self-centered, and just disobedient (which is soooo funny, compared to the real me). I was placed in a "resource" class along with other "special needs" kids when I was in kindergarten.  Then, with no rhyme or reason, I was slowly integrated back into the school system.  I always had a speech therapist until I was in 6th grade; not for saying anything the "wrong" way, but for mumbling alot.  PS #20 has no idea what to do with me.  And I don't think they would now, either.

Funny. when someone mentioned this disease, this "syndrome" back in the ritual, I did not think such extreme behavior could be me.  But after some research, I realized that it was a "spectrum" disorder.  Which means I was a higher functioning level of the spectrum.  This just means that I am over-sensitive to people's emotions (I am still an empath, after all) and so I would try to pick up on different people's attitudes before it became a problem.  Such a learned behavior, which could have prevented a LOT of embarrassment in Junior high school.  I have listed a few of the MAIN issues.  Granted, some of us have some of these issues, and I do not have all of them.  Or, at least I try to either hide them or just "play a different character" around people I don't know.

Yeah, so this is NOT meant as an excuse for any issues I currently may have.  But this does help me understand, and get over, the fact that I could never be a teacher.  Also, I understand now that, an issue I have been dealing with since I was a kid, I am NOT and NEVER was stupid.  Just different.  And, really, why be normal?

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June 2013

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