Call Me......Weirdo

[simoriah]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Well, ever since I was younger, people have always looked at me differently.  I have been the weirdo.  Strange.  Unusual.  DIFFERENT.  I have also been accused of being aloof, self-centered, and just disobedient (which is soooo funny, compared to the real me). I was placed in a "resource" class along with other "special needs" kids when I was in kindergarten.  Then, with no rhyme or reason, I was slowly integrated back into the school system.  I always had a speech therapist until I was in 6th grade; not for saying anything the "wrong" way, but for mumbling alot.  PS #20 has no idea what to do with me.  And I don't think they would now, either.

Funny. when someone mentioned this disease, this "syndrome" back in the ritual, I did not think such extreme behavior could be me.  But after some research, I realized that it was a "spectrum" disorder.  Which means I was a higher functioning level of the spectrum.  This just means that I am over-sensitive to people's emotions (I am still an empath, after all) and so I would try to pick up on different people's attitudes before it became a problem.  Such a learned behavior, which could have prevented a LOT of embarrassment in Junior high school.  I have listed a few of the MAIN issues.  Granted, some of us have some of these issues, and I do not have all of them.  Or, at least I try to either hide them or just "play a different character" around people I don't know.

• Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking. (used to be a LOT worse when I was a kid)
• Dislike any changes in routines. (yeah,  thought that was not me until Ira moved in.  Then that REALLY came out.)
• Appear to lack empathy.(edited to add: a BIG FAT YES!!!  The only person NOT crying at a funeral, even for close family members or friends.  Also, everyone used to complain I never smiled, even when I was happy.
• Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent. (yes, this is a big one the people at work still pick up on every day of my life)
• Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back." (I get many many complaints about that)
• Avoid eye contact or stare at others. (People have accused me of "studying" them or looking at them when in reality I had no idea I was doing it.)
• Have unusual facial expressions or postures. (yeah,  been told that).
• Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy. They may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.²  *blushes*  I thought this was normal.
• Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized. (yeah this is something that Ira also picked up on and is trying to assist me with, much to my chagrin,)
• Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor. (at work, people know me as the person with a handwriting of a serial killer.  though really I do try it becomes a lost cause after 3-4 tries.
• Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction. Yes, yes, yes that is me.  Also, I found out there is a certain hearing dysfunction where a person cannot hear if there is a tv/radio/too much conversation going on around them.  See and I thought it was just me.

  A child with one or two of these symptoms does not necessarily have Asperger’s syndrome. To be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, a child must have a combination of these symptoms and severe trouble with social situations.

  Although the condition is in some ways similar to autism, a child with Asperger's syndrome typically has normal language and intellectual development. Also, those with Asperger's syndrome typically make more of an effort than those with autism to make friends and engage in activities with others.

Yeah, so this is NOT meant as an excuse for any issues I currently may have.  But this does help me understand, and get over, the fact that I could never be a teacher.  Also, I understand now that, an issue I have been dealing with since I was a kid, I am NOT and NEVER was stupid.  Just different.  And, really, why be normal?

Comments

Urgent advice

[old-cutter-john.livejournal.com]

I'm approving your application for membership in the asperger community. Please don't refer to Asperger's Syndrome as a disease in there. Many of us resent the medical model quite strongly and many of us are likely overreact. Settle in and look around. You'll get oriented soon enough.

Re: Urgent advice

[simoriah.livejournal.com]

I apologize. Thanks for the warning. What would be more appropriate? Syndrome? Or just refer to it as "AS"? And I am guessing "NT" is neurotypical or just, so-called, "normal"?

A bit of the lexicon

[old-cutter-john.livejournal.com]

No need to apologize: this is your journal. I just don't want to have to deal with a flame war in the community, and it always distresses me to see newcomers lynched for reasons they don't understand. We refer to Asperger's Syndrome as Asperger's Syndrome, though many of us abbreviate it to AS or ASD (for Autistic Spectrum Disorder[s]). Most of us refer to ourselves as autistics or as Aspies. We also use autistic or Aspie as adjectives for characteristic behaviors or thought patterns (the word symptom[s] tends to go over badly, but not as badly as disease). Person with autism gets bad reactions too; after all, no one would refer to our president as a person with blackness. Autism is part of who we are, and cure would be tantamount to death, kind of like in that classic movie, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And as you surmise, NT is a convenient abbreviation for neurotypical.

Re: A bit of the lexicon

[simoriah.livejournal.com]

Thanks for explaining the jargon.

And just for future reference, people are NOT looking for a 'cure' for autism, just acceptance and understanding? I just want to clarify this. Now that I am thinking of it, I would not want to "cure" myself; however I would definetly want to learn how to manage it and make the use of my "special skills"..

The range of opinions

[old-cutter-john.livejournal.com]

There's a small minority in the community who wish they could be cured. We'd all like acceptance and understanding. Most of us are interested in adaptive strategies. One adaptive strategy is to find a niche, which is another way of framing the use of special skills. Attitudes toward passing and toward being openly autistic vary, and for most of us depend on context. As I say, you'll get oriented. You don't have to adhere to any particular party line; that's not what I was warning you about: it's just that I know from long experience that the word disease would cause trouble, and I wanted to avoid that.

Re: The range of opinions

[simoriah.livejournal.com]

Thanks for warning me about this, and about the general feeling about AS. This way, I kinda know what I am walking into.