Closer to fine

[simoriah]

I still don't know why I am bothered by the fact that EM's mother did not ask me to participate in more of the going away party for him. I guess it is because I keep thinkking on thye leve of "Mrs T rather than EM's mom. I barely met the famuly, save for a few visits. Also, I am not dating him or his brother, nor have I ever slept with him. Therefore, I am prolly overblowing this in my head. Not prolly, I am, because of who IS doing the most of the cooking. Juicy. I can only imagine she is closer friends to him, rather than just being a sex buddy to him like I originally thought,. But whatever I could care less. The important focus is EM and his new bride Naomi. I am glad to hear that EM is happy,.

Plus the fact that I do work 2 jobs now. And the way tha Assholio does the schule at Easrt bruniswick, I can see getting scheduled for more shifts. Grr!@ As it is, he wants me to leave Vonage earlier to work at Block. I will start to do this between the middle of Febrary to early march. This is when block in Marlboro gets busy.

Still, I have this nagging feeling that they are judging me based on ly (lack of) cooking ability, and as a homaemaker in general. Well, I am sorry, but just because I have a vagina deos NOT mean that I do know my way around the kitchen, nor that I want to. And,. I think that is the problem. I am still trying to prove to the world that I AM an independent woman, and that I can take care of myself. Well, I was surviving really well. But I was never truly living. And to tell the truth, I guess I never realized as to how "snobby" or judgemental I was being around people eho chose not to attend college. And instead of having a career, they were simply content with having a job. Well, now that I know college dioes little for people except get a fancy degree, I am much less judgemental. Or, I am once I get to know th person on a 1-on-1 basis. I really should give credit to IT for alot of this work, but I hate the idea that he LOVES drama in his life. Well, he is dating the wrong women if that is the case. But yes, back to the cooking thing. I do not enjoy it, especially when I have someone standing over me judging my every move. And all he wants is his meat and his potatoes. It is annoying. He never askes me what "I want to eat for the day It is like I do not count at all.

Then, there is the idea of constantly improving your life. Which is great, if someone wants to live like that. I don't know, I am happy with an apartment, or a condo. Or mmaybe a townhome, so that I do not have to cut the lawn or anything. I dont' feel that just because we gather more material things, we are improving our lives. The fact that I have such a small apartment for is forcing me to realize what I need, versus what I have. If you limit your space, you will need to decide what is important enough to keep and what is not important and can be tossed. I guess this and my self-worth issues will be my next cause. This way, I seem to dwell less on the whole "SIL" situation, since I cannot change anything, and my brain still does not realize that yes, I will need to deal with her; but not nearly as much, since I do not need to pick up IT all the time from that home.

Self-worth. I guess this would be coming to terms with what I am becoming and blending in the old free-spirited tree hugging eco-friendly nutjob with a flair for the dramtic and the new mommy wife person that IT wants me to be. Especially if we are to have kids. I guess you have to give up certain freedoms to have kids. Bu t this does not mean that you need a house with a backyard and a picket fence to create a happy childhood for kids. I have to think about what is important to teach my kids, and then see what common ground that IT and I have in order to raise kids. The other thing is how I can developt and showcase my personality, my true self and not this jealous person, on an every day basis. Ohhh, the new Avon book came in!