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Feb. 28th, 2009 11:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Ok, so what to say, what to say? Now that the SIL issue is resolved, as best as it will ever be, now I got a new focus: seeing whether or not IT is really committed to me. He really wants to move to Texas. I have no problem going with him, as it is my dream to escapte this place anyway. I do not want to move to anyplace, tho, that I will be an "outsider". So therefore, I am sticking with big cities for now. But here is the thing - we have been together for nearly 3 years now, and I want to knowe if he is ready to go to the next level. I din't know if he is, but I will tell you - I am not sure if I want to move to Texas, with him, without a ring. And I want to make that clear to him. Now, I am wondering if it is a little demanding to ask for a ring if we are so trying hard to save $$? No, I do not expect a blood diamond and no I do not expect a big rock. Actually, I thought that one of my friend's engagement rings was more beautiful - a pink big rock (don't as me was it is, I went to say "emerald" but that's green)surrounded by little diamonds. Heck, they could not afford much, so it made sense.
Ira said the sweetest thing to me the other day - I had made a comment about my cooking ability, and therefore lack of; he mentioned how far I have come with that, with practice and such/ then, I made a reference to the "Can't cook can't fuck won't stay" thingm, and Ira said something along with lines of, "You don't need to worry about that. You got it all." SWEET!!
$7000? for a ring? WTF? That seems like a lot of $$ for an engagement ring but apparently, that's standard. For whom, I don't know. I think that seems like a lot, but who am I to say. I would rather place that money towards a home or towards something else. I dunno.
2/24/09
There are those people who are the type "A" where they are doing what they want in life, they have everything they want career-wise, a husband, 2 kids, a car and a dog. They have actually fooled themselves into thinking the work they do, like accounting, is pleasurable. They never bother to wonder why they are doing the things that they do, like a hampster on a wheel, because they are the image of success in America.
I'm sorry to say I will never being like that. really, I tried. I realized that my self-esteem and lack of organization did not allow me to be a teacher. It was ok, since now I work in "Corporate America" and realize that as long as you play by the rules of the corporate game, and as long as you take note of the constant changes, you will be fine. It is as if this system rewards mediocrity since any form of individuality means the people can break off from the "pack".
This is the reason I am so desperate to get out of NJ. I feel as if I am a loser for not having a condo in Hoboken, a $7000 engagement ring, and a job that pays over $100,000 a year. As much as I might have loved it in my 20's, I am bless that I did not get it, since now I do not see it as a measure of success.
To me, success is doing wehat you love and findin a way to get paid for it. I love writing. I love traveling. And I love sitting around on my butt after a nice hard day of hiking. In my size, nobody would know that, but really I do love nature. I do what I do know so that I can afford to have fun on the weekends. I refuse to have a job that would suck up all of my off-time, like teaching.
Tomorrow is Ash wednesday. This means that, although I am not a practicing Catholic, I will give something up for Lent. I think it is a good thing, a way to show the God/Goddess they are appreciated.