simoriah: (Default)
So, I get a call today from my cousin RH.  She is begging me to join her camping tonight at my home away from home when I was a kid, Otter Lake campground in PA.  At first, I was very hesitant since I am dead broke.  Ok, broker than broke.  It's bad, and I do not get paid until friday the 11th. She offers to pay for the site, then she says she has food.  I stress to her that this is not the issue: I need gas $$ to get back and forth.  She finally offers me gas $$ to get up.  Well, OK since $$ is not an issue.

Well, I had to decide whether or not to tell my parents, since they were already there.  Also, since it is such a small place, everyone knows everything.  Kind of annoying.  So, I called my stepmom and told her.  She already knew.  My aunt, who does the bookings for the campground, told her.  The question is, how did she (my aunt) know, before I even agreed to go? 
simoriah: (Default)

So, yeah, just got off with my online banking. Thought I was gonna have a breakdown. See, I just got paid so all should be well, right? HAHAHA Thought I saw 2 payments going through to the rent people, not one. Hey wait a second - I got more bills to pay!!! Gosh I cannot wait until next paycheck, already!

Well, I can see that my SO finally did the pile of dishes sitting in the sink. I am so proud of him, he is slowly growing up! He even sees that I am home so he will take a break from FPS games and actually apply for jobs. Oh wait, I got to check to see if I won the lottery. The first time I bought in a LOOONG while. Well it was the first time that my office had a pool for it - that's really the only time I ever buy, since I do consider it to be a waste of time and savings. Trying to get onto the Megamillions website, and it is slow as sin. I cannot even blame my boyfriend this time since he is not online paying games. FINALLY!! It comes up. But with no numbers on the "results" page. I mean, wtf is the results page there for if it does not have results? Grrr.....try again. Ok, I won $2 so far......so $2 / 15? 13 cents woohoo!!

SD is currently complaining we have nothing to eat here. We got flour water eggs sugar rice sofrito, I can safely say I can make breakfast out of it. She does not want anything. She does not like "OUR" pancakes. Ok then, starve child. (she's not starving dont worry).

Then she asks, "Why did you tint the screen so much?" For nosy 13 yos not to read what I am writing. :p It's ok, hormones are all the rage, right?

So is talking about moving to Texas yet again. I have had to learn that he is stuck in stall - all talk and no action. Meanwhile, I try not to say anything until the action happens. I am looking forward to moving to Texas tho, if it happens. But in a major city so my socially liberal behind is not alone

Vaaction to a Hot Sunny 3rd World Paradise )

SD is STILL hungry and does not see any food here she likes. Like some cheese with your wine? We have food. I am willing to make it for her (or, she is 13, she can mix it in a bowl and make it herself, she likes cooking...)but she does not want it. Grrr

Well, let's see, today is 100% guarantee it will rain. So, I guess I got a lot of stuff I got to do today. Laundry, cleaning, and all that fun stuff. Plus, maybe preparing for tomorrow when hopefully we will sell a lot of junk for $$. At least I got a break of work until monday!

simoriah: (Default)

I havce so much to do, so much to say, so much to clean, so much to vent about. And right now, my mind is but a blur.

 

Black in America )

Ahh that was nice to get out after stewing about this all week. Wow. 3AM. Apparently, I needed to get this out. I was dissociating too much at work, and ready to kill SO over all this inability to vent.

It is hard to vent like this at work when the one thing you were using for all of your communication was shut down, albeit willingly. I am trying to find ways to save some $$. heck I am even tempted to open a new checking account with Bank of America just to get their $100 incentive package. I read the fine print. Everything seems typical, no "Firstborn child clause" or ahnything.

 

Twister )


This is funny to me, of course, since this is one things SO says to me all the time.  I like the fact that he does point out easier ways to do things; hopefully one day he will lose the condescencion. 
 

simoriah: (Default)
What a day.  Where to begin.  Well, I got into a car crash.  I am physically OK, no sustained injuries.  My car has a lot of front end damage.  I have a rental that I am still trying to figure out.  Go figure, I am still trying to figure out my new car, then I get into a car wreck.

Here's the scenario: I was driving to work, a day after this huge snowstorm in NJ, and they still did not bother to plow/salt anything.  I was coming over a hill, an overpass for a highway, and I see a truck with his breaklights on.  I go to step on my breaks, and my car started to swing around.  I knew I hit a sheet of ice/snow slush and the next thing I knew, I hit a snowbank.  This sux, but I will say that I am so glad I did not hit the back of the truck.  I did not want to get a ticket/points for "reckless" driving.  I was PISSED!! since I felt that I jinxed myself in 2 ways: 1.  I kept saying I needed a day off to relax (naturally not in this manner) and 2. I kept saying that I would not go to work in the snow, because my job would not pay for my expenses if I got into an accident.  I called everyone necessary; inc parents, boss, insurance agent.  Since this is Marlboro, NJ, the police were there in less than 5 minutes.  They had to call their own towtruck, since I was in a dangerous (read:VERY busy) area.  I got towed.  My dad came to pick me up and look at the car.  Then, we went and got a rental.  Then, I went home, changed my shoes (which were all wet due to walking in snow), then went to work.  According to my insurance, everything that can be done is done.  Thank goodness for insurance deductibles.  

At first, I felt bad that even though I am a grown woman, paying all of my bills, I still depend on my dad's opinion for anything car-related.  But then I thought; so does anyone depend on any person (dad, son, husband, wife, whatever) for knowledge on anything.  So, rather than feeling immature and stupid and dependent on my dad's car knowldge, I am just thankful he and my stepmother were so calm, and so helpful in navegating the whole accident thing.  The last time I was in an accident, I was 23, and it was the near head-on collision,  Wow, it was 9 years ago, in 2000.  Weird.  When my car comes out, I will definetly bless it.  Then, I will work to get out of NJ, and any place with winter.  (j/k, only not really).
simoriah: (Default)
You know, I will never understand my friends. They like a guy who is self-centered, egotistical, and full of himself over my boyfriend. I have no idea why. She just has this 'bad' feeling about him. My boyfriend has never used me for sex. My boyfriend has never sat there and 'bragged' about using drugs and stealing expensive Armani suits. But hey, she likes him. God knows why. No, he does not even know why.
Let's face it. I would rather sleep in my car than spend the night in my apartment with him. And I have. I have also gone on the internet and found people to spend the night with just because I hate this guy so much. I am sure that I have my reason. The fact that I belive he used my roomate for sex is definetly one of them. But, hey: she thinks he is cute. That is so sophmoric. Hey, I have never dated a guy because he was cute. Grant it, I have dated a number of men who could pass as gargoyles in order to prove this point to myself. Now, my boyfriend is quite the opposite. But at least I also know he has a good heart. I see it when he hangs with his friends. I see it when he plays with his daughter. I see it when he hangs with my roomate. Truth be told, if my roomate did not like this guy, he would just be another bad story to tell. But she likes him. My friends like him, well, most of them. And my stepmother likes him. My dogs like him. Trust me, I of all people know that I have poor taste in men, but so far nobody is complaining badly. Hey, I also admit his faults as well. He can be a bit inconsiderate (case in point: today when he took off to the Echelon mall without telling me) and impatient. But we all have flaws: we are human. Being in a relationship means being able to deal with other people's flaws and loving them anyway for being human. Well, that is my two cents for today. I think I am learning a lot about this whole love thing. Most of all, I am learning about myself.
simoriah: (Default)
First off, thanks for Starpanthress for letting me use her catchphrase, but it is pretty appropriate....
Just hearing this song reminds me of different ideas, like the idea that one night of passion can alter a life forever.
I now know so many guys at work that are married (or were) with children because of shotgun weddings. Just makes me wonder about the readiness of some people to have children. This of course brings me back to my own mother....
She was a real winner. She basically all but abandoned me when I was 11. After that, she was a basic absentee-father with estrogen. You know, I have to start giving my stepmother a lot more credit for what she has done for me. True, we have had our knock-down, plate-throwing fights where I would run away. But doesn't everyone?
I mean, I have to love my mother, because she is her. I don't know anymore if I like her. She gave me to my father at 11 and said,"I wash my hands of her, this fat ugly stupid retard." What kind of mother does that? Well, I had Miriam, and that is more than I needed. I wish I could thank her more often, but thanking her at this point would seem more like either feeling guilty for time lost or trying to get something..Neither of which I honestly feel.
It's times like these where I wish I could just cry about what my mother did to me, and I know I can't. Obviously, I am at work, and trying desperately to find my friend's email..But also, There's nothing left to cry about. I have a tought desicion to make, one which I have been putting off for a long time. Do I continue to live in the past, and be depressed for the rest of my life? Or do I move on? I'll be it, there is a lot to move on from, and I don't know if I could ever forgive my mother for all that. But, I have to let this piece of emotional baggage down for good.
Gosh, now all I have to do is follow through with the promise that I can let go of the past, and get my ass back to work. Well, I'll save the rest for another day. I have got a million calendars waiting for me.
Til next time....

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August 2017

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